On Predicting the Future.

If I could go back in time and predict the future, I wouldn't have done anything as lame as asking for winning Lotto numbers.  

Nope, I'd have conjured up something mucho more exciting.  And enjoyable to watch.  In fact, the only time in my life I've wished to be able to predict the future was back in 2020 - 21...

That was when the Powers That Be decided to shut down our Gubmint.  And all the bidnezzes.  And all the churches.  Because you just might contract the evil Chinese Wuhan Coronavirus.*  Or give it to somebody else.

But they left liquor stores and casinos open.  For some strange reason...

Everyone was required to go home, shut and lock the doors behind them, close all the windows, pull down the shades, and wait for somebody to rescue you.  No going out unless an absolute necessity.  Like just before you starve to death.

Two things happened as a result of that Guburnmental Proclamation.  Number One:  Uber had previously been fighting with Yellow Cab, trying to snake riders from them at the local airports.  COVID-19 helped them find an exit from that dummmass strategy as they morphed into "Uber-Eats."  They would now happily bring you a $10.00 hamburger and fries for only $25.00.  

I wish I'd been able to predict that little transformation.  I'd have bought a sh*t load of Uber stock and never had to work again.

Number Two:  I'd have shorted Gillette.  I'd have bet its stock would tank.  Because everybody was sent home and didn't have to go back to the office.  So they could sit in front of their computer in their jammies.  Eating bon bons.  And drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon.  While watching Jerry Springer reruns.  

And not having to go to the office for our menfolk meant they didn't have to look presentable.  No more need to shave.  That terrible, awful, nasty process we must undergo.  So the growing of beards became a thing.  For the first time since the 19th Century.** 

(Was there a pandemic back then?) 

No shaving meant Gillette's sales would drop.  And so would their stock.  No more shaving meant no more buying razor blades.  So Shorting Gillette would mean I'd be making a windfall for every time their stock took a hit.  I'd have been jumping up and down with glee. 

Just look at the next guy with a beard you see and know deep down, that guy is lame.  He's lazy.  He's too uncaring about his appearance to actually want to shave his face.***  Don't trust your daughters or your money with these bozos.  

So going back in time a bit, and being able to predict the future, would have meant I'd be making a fortune on Uber going up, and making another fortune as Gillette was going down.  I wouldn't have needed winning Lotto numbers to join the ranks of those who don't pay their "fair share."   

*      BTW, Florida gave the Feds the finger by refusing to close down.  Instead, it stayed open and flourished.  Because Freedom-Loving 'Muricans moved there in droves.  NOTE to Blue States:  You can keep on shedding population by continuing with your idiotic policies and procedures...

**     NOTE:  I had a Zapata moustache for 27 years.  It looked great, but only because I spent about 30 minutes every morning trimming it and styling it and plucking little hairs from where they didn't belong.  It was a lot of work.  A LOT of work!  An accident with an errant razor while under the influence of something or other one day resulted in a chunk being cut off.  So I was forced to mow the rest.  And that, as they say, was that.   

***   Except for wannabe' lumberjacks.  And observant Jews.  And Hindu holy-types.  And J. D. Vance, our current V.P.  He grew a beard to try and look old enough to buy alcohol...