It's BigFEET!

I was just wondering whether Bigfoot(feet) get together every now and again.

You know, like a convention of Bigfeet.  And I hereafter name them that.  Bigfeet, that is.  If there's more than one, it's "Bigfeet."  I proclaim it to be so.  And forevermore.

Yes, Fellow Patriots, I still have a few questions I'd like answered before I take the "Celestial Discharge."  Like who built the pyramids?  And when are those folks gonna' find the Oak Island treasure?  And why do Lefties try so hard to disarm our citizens?

Existential questions, like those.

Us older folks tend to do a lot of thinking.  And since there's a whole bunch of Bigfeet sightings every year, there must be Bigfeet.  Not many, but some.

And it seems they sure do leave a lot of footprints.

In fact, a Dr. Jeff Meldrum of the University of Utah, its specialist in bi-pedal movement, has plaster casts of more than 300 'Feetprints in his lab.  Sent to him from all over 'Murica.  He suggests there may be 2,500 of them roaming around.  Maybe even twice that many, he says.  Located mainly in the Pacific Northwest and around Ohio, and in the High Sierra, and in Florida swamps.  But there's been sightings in every state.

No real way of knowing how many, Meldrum says, but enough to sustain a population.  And that's the key; there has to be enough of them to permit repopulation.  A Bigfeet Ball, maybe?  Pot Luck Wednesday, down by that big upside down tree?  A dating app?  

Which brings me back to my original question:  Are there Bigfeet conventions?  If so, maybe we should be launching drones around likely sites until we scare one up.  And then take oodles of pictures of it so we can finally resolve the issue.  

I have rejected a suggestion from one of my readers.  He wanted us to sprinkle needles filled with meth throughout the forests.  Then they'd then get hooked and have to come to us for a fix...

But do not shoot one.  Believe it or not, 8 of our states have "Bigfoot Protection Orders" on file.  Near murder, it is, if you gun one down.  And you don't want to be the first one to test the legality.

Imagine the trial.  It sure would be entertaining, though.

I hear the chuckling out there.  Some of you doubt that Bigfeet exist.  And why, I ask?  Our Family Tree includes at least 13 other hominids competing at one time with us for dominance.  We won, they lost.  But among the last to lose were beasts called the "Denisovans."  We've only discovered a couple of humungous teeth, and a finger bone, and a thigh bone, but they were enough to declare it a separate "branch" of our family tree.  And oh, BTW, it was 10 feet tall and weighed in at 1,200 pounds.

Did it "run for the hills" to escape us Homo Sapiens Sapiens?  Did it hide in the forests of uninhabited areas to escape our rampage (we "survivors" killed every competitor for our food, our women and our territory)?  Did the Denisovans make a living above the tree line and only come down every now and again for a spare cow or two?  

I presume I'll find out the answer once I pass.  I'm betting us "good folk" will have informational privileges in Heaven's Library.  And somebody, er, soul will enlighten me once I get there.  But I'd sure like to find out before I go.

On the way out the Digital Door, I heard they used to live in California.  But they saw the light and left...