It Must be the Salt Air!

I have long wondered why California, Oregon and Washington all vote Democrat as a bloc.  Always the same, never varies.

They are as Blue as Blue can be.  In fact, I believe Christ was a corporal the last time any of these states voted for a Republican.  I think it might even be illegal!  So I set about researching the subject to determine the cause.  

We all know that too much salt can kill you.  If you have high blood pressure and injest a bunch of salt, you're toast.  Even if you have low blood pressure and were forced to live in a river of salt, you'd be history within a short while.  Which caused me to put two and two together, and voila!  It's the... 

                 ...Salt Air! 

Think about it:  What do these three states share in common?  The Pacific Ocean!  And what is the Ocean made of?  Water!  And what does the water contain?  Salt!  All three of these states share Salt Air in common.  Kansas doesn't get any Salt Air, and it votes reliably Republican!  Arkansas gets no Salt Air, and it votes Republican!  And Iowa gets no Salt Air at all, and guess what?  It votes Republican.  Clearly we've found the culprit...

Not only does Salt Air rust the bodies of our automobiles, and TV towers, and ships, it must rust the bodies of our Western-most citizens.  Not their livers or their spleens or their bicuspids, but their brains!  My theory is that being subjected to years and years of Salt Air makes one suseptible to Left-leaning hyperbole.  Suseptible to being hipppmotizzzed by politicians who treat them like snot.  Suseptible to all sorts of suggestions that our Founding Fathers would reject out of hand.  And yet, that's how they vote.  

Liberal.  And Democrat, although not nearly Left enough for them, is as close as they can get.  

It's my theory that the Salt Air turns these three states' citizens into mindless automatons.  Into zombies.  Slavishly waiting only for the next time they can vote Democrat.  67% of CA, for instance, has been infected by this religion.  I say "religion," because it's based upon faith and not facts.  It's sad to say, but this segment of our population must be written off for the foreseeable future...

But wait, Mr. Chuckmeister!  Texas borders a mucho bunch of Salt Air!  And Florida has 900 miles of Salt Air shoreline!  And neither of these States vote Democrat!  They are reliably "Red."  They are Republican as Republican can be.  So why aren't they afflicted with this ailment?  

                    Mountains!

Yes, Fellow Patriots, it's the Mountains!  Gobs and gobs of mountains, stretching all the way from Meheeeeeko to Canada.  We've got your Rocky Mountains.  And the Sierra Nevada.  And the Coast Ranges.  And the Klamath Mountains.  And the Cascades.   Plus the Columbia Plateau.  And the Wasatch Range.  And, of course, the Chugach Mountains. 

And in the East?  The Appalachians!  A 1,500 mile long mountain range extending almost from the Gulf all the way to Canada.   

So why should all those mountains make a difference?  Because of the prevailing Easterly winds coming from Alaska and Hawaii.  Pushing air from the West to the East, all day and all night.  Averaging 3 - 5 mph every day of the year.  Except for the occasional "Devil Winds" that afflict California occasionally.  And so rare are these Westerly "Santa Ana" winds that they always lead local TV telecasts.  

But every other day these 70 Million People in the West are subjected to Salt.  And New England?  More than 19 million souls.  Prevailing winds routinely flow from Africa across the Atlantic Ocean to North America.  That's how we get hurricanes.  The winds bump up against Florida, then turn right and head on up the Coast.  To New England.  Where they run into Canada.  And then just sit there.  Bespoiling the brains of so many otherwise normal souls.  Salt on either Coast will corrode steel, so it must also corrode brain cells.  

As Matt Walsh would say, "Prove me wrong!"

Oh yeah, I have to mention a couple of outliers.  Minnesota and Illinois.  Minnesota is filled with nice people and 10,000 lakes and heart valve manufacturers and Looney Left politicians.  Ala Tampon Tim Walz.  My thinking is MN is so far gone we should just cede it to Canada.  Maybe in exchange for Alberta.  Right across from North Dakota and Montana and the now-cancelled "XL Pipeline."  We could then frack its phenomenal tar sands all day and all night.

And Illi(noway)?  It's owned by the fat billionaire heir to a hotel empire.  He's spent $400,000,000 of his own money to get elected, and re-elected, and then re-elected again.  He owns Chicago, and he's a commie pinko dumbass Liberal weenie, so the poor souls in the rest of the State are held hostage.  Pluuuuus, Chicago is our National Shooting Range.  Thousands of Black felons kill each other there every year.  Felons they'd otherwise have to prosecute.  Costing them $Millions.  Notice the "Democrat Media" doesn't talk about it.  Blacks killing Blacks.  Nothing to see here.  Move along...

NOTE:  I'm not a doctor, although I spent 40 years in the medical arena and I like to play one on this blog.  I feel I've divulged enough super-secret, semi-pertinent, medicalescent factoids here to engage you for an entire Monday.  Please accord this little offering the credit it therefore deserves.  

But please don't tell me about it...