Diversity, Equity, and...

Pssst!  Have you noticed that the tallest basketball players tend to do the best at the game?

That's no News Flash, I know.  But just like being a 6' 5", 245 lb. guy named "Lia", swimming against 5' 2", 110 lb. Riley Gaines, more often than not results in a victory.  If you're 7' tall, it certainly does prove advantagous in getting old rock in the old hole.

Up to now, we've relied on reason to get us through the obvious advantage Black players have over White players in the National Basketball Association.  They're taller, and being taller helps.  That's why they average 3" in height advantage over their White competitors.  

And that's perhaps why Black's are over represented in the League, to the tune of 77.9%.

But now the Wheaties have helped to grow a whole new crop of tall players.  Including one Oliver Rioux.  He was 6' 1" the day he entered the 1st grade.  And he's been growing ever since.

Ollie has agreed to Join the University of Florida this fall.  He'll then be the tallest collegiate player in the entire world.  

At 7' 6 and 1/2".

And oh yeah, he happens to be White.  And a Canadian.

And there's a young lady in China who simply stands under the hoop and waits for the ball.  Her name is Zhang Ziyu, and she is 7' 5" in height.  I personally believe she was lab-grown, but who cares?  This is becoming the game of giants, for giants, of giants.  And we mere mortals need to buy their overpriced sneakers and move on to darts, or pool (my specialty!), or perhaps water skiing.

BTW, have you ever seen a Black guy sailing?  Just wondering...

But until then, I was reading all this D.E.I. stuff, see?  You know, Diversity, Equity and Incoherence.  And just like boys can now pretend to be girls and swim against them in competition, I'd like some of that equity to help me play basketball against these giants.

Maybe spot me 50 points?  Or maybe let me foul them indiscriminately?  Like a quick shot to the nuts every now and then?  Would be easy, since they're hanging right about eye level.

Or perhaps force them to use dark sunglasses?  Or don't let them begin play until the 3rd period?  Or give them a hefty dose of Ex-Lax just before the game?

Please get back to me on this.  I'm working of the presumption that the crazies on the far-Left, who clap politely while boys crush girls' sports titles in every single event, will decide that a decrepit old man, who needs a couple of canes to get from his car to his drug store, should be able to play, and get an advantage while doing so.

Like that sentence?  One of my best.

So unless we decide that certain sports are the province of certain races, or certain heights, or of certain abilities (Singing?  Dancing?  Chess?), we need to figure out a way to make the game equal.  And playing against a guy 12" taller than you, where height is an advantage, is just not fair.  

The Chuckmeister hath spoken...