I'm Getting Into Commodities!!!

Hello there, faithful Patriots!

It's your friend and mine, me, The Chuckmeister, bringing you some great new economic news!  Yes, even in this time of turmoil and strife, there's still a port in our collective storm.  You knew I was a graduate economist, didn't you?  Well, I am.  Among other things.  Like being a ferrier, a nascent crypto-paleozoologist, a philatelist and an ecdysiast (look it up). 

Anyway, I'm sorry to say I missed the run up in Bitcoin.  Imagine that!  Totally made-up money selling to $tens of thousands of dollars.  I'd bet you could even sell people cars out of a vending machine!

And in real estate, too.  Missed that one.  And collector cars.  Collector cars!  Cars I owned new and didn't like!  In fact, I'm usually a day late and a dollar short on most investments.  But I think I'm on to a winner now, friends and neighbors!  And I'm going to open it up to you, too!  

    I'm going to get into commodities!  

You know, like they sell on the Chicago Board of Trade.  Like wheat, and pork bellies, and cattle futures.  Oh yeah, and like ENERGY!

Have you noticed the rapid, astronomic, Earth-shattering recent increase in the price of oil?  And how that's impacted the price of gasoline at the pump?  Of course you have, Pilgrim, because you're a Pilgrim!  And you can see beyond the end of your nose, unlike those who are making policy back there in the Swamp.  The dimbulb weenies conjuring up new and novel ways to implement full-on socialism.  Those guys.  So you've seen the price of Biden Gas double since he took charge.  It's past $7.00 a gallon here in Taxifornia!  I even saw a photo of a Sacramento pump displaying $9.00 a gallon !!!  And it keeps going up every day.  Day by day, up and up...and UP!

So, hey, I've got an idea!  I'm now filling up my car on Monday, parking it, sitting my ass down in front of one of those really good old movies (there hasn't been a really good NEW movie made in years!), opening an adult beverage, and waiting for Friday.  Come Friday I'll offer to let folks siphon out my gas on E-bay, top offer gets the juice!  The motion lotion!  You know, that most compact source of energy man has ever discovered.  And they'll have to bid fast, 'cause who knows, I might just decide to keep my car parked and sit on my investment for the long term... 

After all, I can't afford to drive it!

Or maybe I'll buy another old car with a reeeely big gas tank and start my business expansion.  I remember when Jimmuh Carter was screwing up America.  It got so bad back then that Arabian oil tankers were parked off our East coast, refusing to offload their crude.  Carter pissed the sheiks off so much they cut off our oil!  We could only buy gas on alternate odd-even days according to our license plates.  Gas lines out past the horizon!  It was awful!  Sort of like the life we're beginning to lead, once again.  

So what did I, The Chuckmeister do back then?  You just knew I'd have come up with something devious, right?  I bought a 1973 Dodge Polara at the time.  It was my fifth or sixth car, as I recall.  It was yuuuuge!  It was the size of Des Moines and had rats living under the back seat.  It used to be white with a tan vinyl top.  I say "used to be," because there was scant evidence remaining of either.  

To wash it would have been an affront to water.  

It was about 20' long and required two parking spaces.  It was also on its last legs, huffing and puffing and blowing blue smoke out the tailpipe as it groaned down the street.  I think I paid $200 for it.  So why did I buy it?  It had a 26 gallon gas tank.  And I'd fill it up, to the brim, when my day to buy gas came up, and then siphon it whenever I ran out of Jimmy Gas.  It was brilliant.  I was EVERYBODY's best friend!  

Business plan, you know.  Got to have a business plan.  It's the bane of entrepreneurs like me.  I can see some real possibilities with this one here, folks.  I chose not to make a profit on my neat little idea back then, but I just might now.  Maybe we can buy some old cars, you and me, off Craig's List, or Whomever's List, and start making some real money!  If you're interested in getting together with me and creating a new "fuel-remarketing empire," let me know.  Franchising is a slam dunk!  

Anyone got any old, barely-running cars with big gas tanks laying around?