The Chuckmeister's $949.00 Tour!

Hey there, fellow Patriots!  I'm here to announce The Chuckmeister's new "Five Finger Discount" Tour of San Francisco and Lost Angeles!

No more need you climb aboard a yuuuuge boat to float around in the ocean, maybe even contracting Legionnaire's Disease.  No, no, fellow citizens!  Here's a Tour you can profit from!

As you may have heard, unless you get your news from Yahoo, Google, or any of the "Alphabets" or most of cable, looting is on the rise here in Taxifornia!  And as we all know, all fads start here, so you might as well get in on the action without having to wait for it to come to a city near you!

Good old Prop. 47, which passed here by popular vote, moved the goalpost for felony shoplifting to $950.00!  What a great idea!  No longer is it $50.00, like in most precincts.  It was at $450.00, which apparently wasn't enough to entice "flash mobs."  So, with George Soros' $Millions, "Progressive" D.A.'s were installed in all the far-left enclaves.  All the Big Blue Cities like New York, and Portland, and Seattle, and San Franpoopco, and, once again, Lost Angeles.  So when a perp appears at booking, if the charge is for a burglary, or a petty theft, or a holdup, or even domestic violence, and the amount taken is less than $950.00, then the Bad Guy goes Scot Freeeeee!  

Is Taxifornia a Great Big Dumbass State, or what?

So I, The Chuckmeister, have put together a truly exciting Tour.  We meet you at the airport, give you a bottle of water and a cheese sandwich, and take you straight to Nordstrom's.  Or Louis Vuitton.  Or maybe a Macy's, if that's nearby.  We'll let our Tour Group decide!  And then we'll provide you with a tour guide who will keep track of your "acquisitions."  That's what we call what our guests "light finger."  And when they near the "magic number" of $950.00, we'll alert you to stop and we'll head off to the next store too damn dumb to leave Taxifornia.  And so on, and so on...

Like it's been here now for years.  And why so many once-loyal Californians now call Texas, and Arizona, and Florida, and so many other states, their new home.

And you need not fear the police.  There aren't any.  They've all been sent to the showers by these "Progressive" cities.  They've been defunded to the max!  And even if one of the few remaining cops happens to stray by, and even dare to write you a ticket (buy a lotto ticket if that happens!), it will be for a misdemeanor, which they won't even bother to book.  Just don't plan on killing anybody while on Tour and you'll be just fine.   

The Good News!  We guarantee you'll get back the full $949.00 tour price the very first day!  Probably even the first hour!  What a deal!  Tell all your friends and let's get started!  Remember, if the District Attorney doesn't give a sh*t about their businesses and their residents and their tax base and their reputation, why should you?  And why should any other Taxifornia resident?

I sure as Hell don't!

In fact, I don't know why all the residents of this failed State don't get started with their own little Campaign of Looting at the local specialty store!   

Or, as it's sometimes say, "Live better for less.  Shoplift."