Friday, November 20, 2015

POTUS' G-20 Summit Press Conference...For Dummies.

In case you were fortunate enough to miss B. Hussein Obama's press conference at the G-20 Summit in Turkey on November 16th, I've decided to do you a major favor and provide a summary for your reading (dis)pleasure. I mean, you need to know what's going on, Pilgrim, and I'm just the guy to tell you.  And so, without further ado, here's the World According to Barry:  

"Good mornin' ev-bodi!"  

Remember that climate change is the greatest calamity we face, nothing is more important, so let's do everything we can to confront it...And, uhhh...Thanks to our hosts here in Turkey. They're doing a great job, as always...And, uhhhh...Oh, Yeah, that thing that happened a few days ago in Paris was really a setback...And, uhhhhh...Like I've said many times before, my strategy to contain ISIS is working...And, uhhhhhh...And, uhhhhhhh...My State Department, my military, my generals, my advisers...And, uhhhhhhhh...My economy, my Secretary of State, my, my, my, my, my...And, uhhhhhhhhhh...Me, me, me, me, mine, mine, mine, I, I, I...Did I mention that my strategy to contain ISIS is working?...Just because the people who committed the "setback" we experienced in Paris were Muslims, that doesn't mean that all Muslims are bad people...And, uhhhhhhhhhhhh...We must accept the refugees from Syria, despite the fact that I failed to cross that "Red Line" and let the Syrians be barrel bombed a few years back, and yeah, it's tough, but that's the kind of people Americans are...And, uhhhhhhhhhhhh...My ISIS containment strategy is working, and don't ask me anymore about it!...And, uhhhhhhhhhhhh... Republicans are afraid of the media and widows and 3 year-old orphans...And, uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...I don't care about winning. I don't care about America winning.  I don't have time for that..And, uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh uuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."

"Thanks, ev-bodi."

And so, you've now been briefed on how a 45 minute press conference, in front of an increasingly hostile Lap Dog Media, which is amazing in its own right, unfolded in Turkey. If you missed it, congratulate yourself...

Don't thank me.  That's why God put me here.

Chuckmeister, out!

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