Tuesday, August 12, 2014
Yea! He's Gay! That's the Ticket!
You'll recall that our President, one Mr. B. Hussein Obama, took the time out of his suuuuper busy schedule to call one Mr. Michael Sam and congratulate him for coming out as, ahem, gay.
You know about Mr. Sam, don't you? He's the Missouri University football player who was drafted in the, oh, 92nd round or something, of the NFL draft by the Los Angeles Rams.
Oooooopsie! Exsqueeeeze me! The St. Louis Rams. It's hard to keep up when these billionaires keep moving their teams around all willy-nilly, right?
Yes, Mr. Obama had enough time in his otherwise very, very busy schedule of playing golf, appearing at fundraisers and playing footsie with JaayZeee and his lovely wife Beeeyonce to contact Mr. Sam and let him know just how proud he was that Sam was gay. Hmmmm.
But somehow that same Mr. Obama couldn't find time in his very busy schedule over the past 120 or so days to pick up his famous phone that apparently obviates the need for the Congress of the United States of America and put in a call to one Mr. Nieto, Meheeeeko's president, and ask him to intercede on behalf of our hero Marine, Sergeant Andrew Tahmoreesi.
That's the guy, you'll recall, that after having served two tours in Afghanistan and Iraq, and coming home with a bad case of PTSD, made a wrong turn one night and wound up in Meheeeeeko.
All would have been just fine that lovely evening had our Marine sergeant not had three legally registered guns in his truck.
Let me state that again: The three guns were legally bought here in America, legally registered here in America and legally owned here in America. The fact that he had them with him was because he had just been transferred to San Diego from Texas to receive medical treatment. And the fact they were there was enough for Meheeeeeko's corrupt border goons to handcuff him, throw him in the clink, tie him to his bunk, torture him, break his jaw and more or less toss away the key.
Since then our sergeant has hired attorney after attorney to try and end his Meheeeeeeko "vacation" and come home to America. Up to now, no luck. They just won't accept his explanation that he took a wrong turn and he really wasn't trying to run three whole guns to Meheeeeeeeeko (please note: I've missed the same turn twice myself; it's easy to do).
Three whole guns! I mean, he wasn't running guns like our own Maxi-me Attorney General Eric Holder, who hired more than 3,000 "assault rifles," whatever they are, paid for with our Stimulus Program funds, slow-walked over the border and directly into the hands of Meheeeeeeeeko's drug cartels. And one of those guns, you'll recall, was used by one of our fun-loving neighbor's to the south to kill Brian Terry, one of our border guards.
Let me say that again. Our admittedly-activist, and proud of it, and Black, and proud of it, Top Cop gave guns we paid for to criminal drug gangs so that, the thinking goes, one or more or them would be found at a crime scene here in America, forcing our low-information voters into abolishing the 2nd Amendment. If you're gonna' try and take over America it would be a good idea to disarm the redneck savages first.
Unfortunately, the crime scene involved one of our own sworn agents. And then the uproar started. Our corrupt media was no longer able to keep the story under wraps. Karma's a bitch.
So Tahmoreesi is in limbo. Actually, limbo would be a far, far better place to be than the graybar prison in Tecate, Meheeeeeeeko where he finds himself. Maxi-me has still not been arrested for his multitudinous crimes (I wonder if he ever shall?). And Mr. "You can keep your doctor - you can keep your insurance!" Obama is still playing golf and hosting fundraisers and partying with Black stars on our borrowed millions.
So what's my plan to finally end this deeply shameful and embarrassing chapter for the Obama Administration? Actually, one of many deeply shameful and embarrassing chapters for the Obama Administration? I mean, my solution, besides never, ever traveling to Meheeeeeeeeeeeeeko again? Ever! Here it is....
Andrew has to come out of the closet and proclaim that he's proudly gay!
Then, Mr. Obama will be compelled to call not only our long-suffering sergeant with his heartfelt congratulations, but Prez Nieto and demand, demand that he be released.
We know he'll have to do that. Remember when he called Jason Collins to congratulate him on being gay? He's the guy who came out as the first gay pro basketball player. He was so feted and celebrated that he wound up as one of Time Magazine's 2014 "Most Influential 100 People in America." It seems if you're just an average roundball player, or maybe just an average football player, coming out as gay is the key to hitting the big time! Ticker tape parades! Calls from the Golfer-in-Chief! Your picture on the cover of a dying, piece-of-crap, lefty magazine!
And this just in, our TelePrompTer-in-Chief interrupted his 186th round of golf in Martha's Vineyard, the self-described "Whitest Place in America," where he was playing with Ahmad Rashad and Ray Allen (who pays these greens fees, I wonder?), to provide a video welcome and congratulations in the kick-off to the "Gay Games." Yes friends, the Gay Games, begun in 1982, recently opened in Cleveland and our Vacationer-in-Chief felt both obligated and honored to help open it. Is there any doubt in your feeble mind that Andrew would be out by nightfall if he "came out?"
What do you think of my plan? If you think it might work, be sure to call Organizing for America, Mr. B. Hussein Obama's never-ending, permanent election campaign outfit that sends you email after email begging you for $3 for a chance to have a burger and a beer with "You-Know-Who," and pass along my suggestion.
Oh, almost forgot. To make absolutely certain our Community Organizer-in-Chief has to act, and act NOW, I suggest that Andrew also play the "race card" made so famous by those poverty pimps Jessuh Jackson and Al Sharpton. In addition to being gay, he should also proclaim, loudly, that he is both partially Black, and a little bit Native American! Then, our Maxi-Me Attorney General will launch himself into rapid action, start a DOJ official investigation, and give a speech on the need for reparations so that all of "his people" finally get paid off for the suffering they endured 400 years ago.
No thanks is necessary. It's why God put me here...