Identifying One's Way to Riches...

You know I identify as Black, right?  And gay, too, right?  

But it's a lesser known fact that I also Identify as living in the rat- and poop- and druggie-infested, ex-beautiful town of San Franpoopco.  That Sh*tty By The Bay.  And I identify as having done so for more than fourteen years, as is the requirement posted by a dummass committee of Liberal Weenies on reparations.  One that advocates the giving of...ready for it?...$5,000,000 in cash to each of the Sh*ty's Black residents.  In cash!  Plus another $96,000 in other various goodies.  And free rent, and food, etc.  

It's been calculated that this boondoggle would cost some $56 Billion Dollars!  If it had that much money.  Which it doesn't.    

BTW, we all know that "identifying" is the only important thing, right?

RIGHT?

Yes, yes I do.  Even though I know that it's a dangerous place for an old feller' with a bad back like me, The Chuckmeister, but that's okay; I carry concealed.  I can take care of myself.   

But I should mention it's far safer to identify as l living in a hell-hole like San Franpoopco than actually living there...

But I've discovered that the Liberal Loons who infest SFO have outdone themselves!  They've decided that us po' ol' Black foks' need to be paid off for the evils done to our forebears, some 400 years ago.  Or maybe it's fivebears...

And so to expunge their Liberal guilt, and maybe buy a few votes in the process (wink, wink!), they want to spend a few bushels of their dwindling taxpayer base's money on this foolish enterprise.  So why not jump in and swim in their putrid pool of guilt expungement, I asked my Black self?  

And I answered, go for it, Chuckmeister!

And so I am.  I've sent a letter to San Franpoopco asking for my place in line.  I'm sure they'll get back to me with a check real soon.  Certified, please.  Not that I doubt the solvency of this failed city.  I'm certain at some point in the future it will be the subject of a Harvard Business Review article entitled, "How Not To Do It."  But it sure will have a lot of happy Black folks.  Like me.

So you can consider me the newest $5 Million Dollar Man in town!  And yes, I'll pick up the bar tab the next time I see you.  And no, don't try and tell me you're a distant relative.  I don't like my relatives.  Which now includes you...