"The First Thing we do, is Kill all the lawyers!"

Or so said one William ("Wild Bill") Shakespeare in "Henry VI, Part Numero 2."

His opinion, not mine.  Don't shoot the messenger.  I'm guessing he was taking a bit of artistic license, but then again, maybe not.  

But something a little less than "kill," perhaps?  Ummm, sure.  Count me in...

I dunno' about you, but I've grown weary of lawyers.  Like, "up to here" weary.  It used to be that there was a lawyer every thither and yon.  Not many of them at all.  Just a manageable few.  Enough so that you'd have one to call when you got snagged for a DUI, or needed a good divorce (if there is such a thing!), or wanted to sue your mizzzabel next door neighbor into the Stone Age.

Now?  Dammmmm!  It seems like you trip over lawyers no matter which way you turn.  Their offices are everywhere!  Their advertising is everywhere!  And THEY are everywhere!  Turn on the Telly late at night and you'll see what I mean.

In fact, there are roughly 1,340,000 lawyers in the U. S. of A., or 0.6% of the population as a whole.  That's a bunch!  There are 168,746 in California alone, as compared to only 19,307 in Loueeeeezeana.  Just 83,675 lawyers have hung out their shingles in the whole of Canada, a far less litigious society, one should note.

Every ambulance now has a chaser to call its own...

And you want to talk about excess?  There are 788 lawyers for each 10,000 residents in the District of Columbia!  There's more lawyers than cab drivers in Foggy Bottom!  And the worst part?  They're probably all employed...by us!    

What brought this particular rant to the forefront was my recent viewing of a couple of ubiquitous talking-head lawyers arguing the fine points of the legal system on a cable news program.  They were in a heated discussion about whether a Prez, any Prez, can be guilty of attempting to obstruct his way out of a crime, for which he'd been charged, but has not committed.  In other words, can and should you be allowed to defend yourself if you're wrongly accused?  Hmmm.  Think on that for a minute.  

They argued heatedly for ten minutes, back and forth, spewing law book citations and case histories at each other at full staccato.  And accomplishing nothing.

Dancing on the head of a pin, they were.  And this yawner of a debate reminded me of that old lawyer saying:  "When the facts are on your side, you argue the facts.  When the law is on your side, you argue the law.  When you have neither the facts nor the law on your side, you pound on the table."

Proving conclusively that lawyers are trained to "go both ways," if you know what I mean (heh, heh).  And proving conclusively one more thing: an alarming proportion of the membership of the Congress of the U. S. of A. are lawyers, which could well be the reason we're in such a gargantuan pile of bovine excrement most of the time.  

No, my friends, I just learned that 38% of the membership of the House of Representatives are lawyers!  And 57% of the Senate!  And that gives us a blended average of 42% of both!  That's a lotta' lawyers!

But that doesn't mean an infestation of lawyers improves the performance of the Congress.  Less than 18% of the public approves of how the Congress operates, placing them just above the MainStreamMedia, which has lost its last vestige of credibility.  

And if you watched the Senate Judiciary Committee hearing last week, you'd understand why.     

But that's okay; according to a recent Pew Research poll, less than 17% of the public believe that lawyers "contribute materially to society."  In fact, I've told my best friend of more than 40 years that if he hadn't attained that lofty status before attending law school, I wouldn't have anything to do with him now.   

So, I suggest we pass a law to prevent lawyers from becoming Congressweenies.  At least for a few years.  I mean, it fairly well sucks the way it is!  Let's elect some normal folks.  Some electricians, and shopkeepers, and farriers, and pharmacists, and farmers.  Some salesmen, and nurses, and teaches, and welders.  Just plain, normal American citizens, like our Founding Fathers intended. Those who know what it's like to get up early and stay up late trying to keep the wolf from the door.  Maybe then some degree of normalcy and sanity and productivity will return to our hallowed Halls of Congress...

$600 an hour?  Tell that to a welder...