Let's Not Stop At Statues...

So ex-Speaker of the House of Representatives Nancy Pelosi has walked past statues of 11 Confederate dignitaries in the Capitol's Statuary Hall every single day Congress has been in session for more than 36 years.  Not once during that entire period did she get overwrought over such a presence. 

For four years of Bush the Elder, and eight years of Billy J. "Blue Dress" Clinton, and eight years of Bush the Junior, and eight glorious years of Obama, San Fran Nan was not off put in the least by statues of those who fought and died on behalf of the Confederacy during that "Waa of Nawthen' Aggresshun." Not until Donald J. Trump was elected and some of her friends on the Hard Left decided to get the vapors over all things Confederacy did she decide that these statues needed to come down.  And come down now! 

She, the daughter of the Major of Baltimore, Maryland, a state steeped in southern charm, has decided that all things "South" is now toxic.  

Annnnnnd, everything, everywhere that was ever named or affiliated or associated, however tangentially with anyone who ever ventured south of the Mason-Dixon Line must be scrubbed from our collective memory! Flags, tombstones, buildings, statues, words, deeds, blue crabs, pecan pie, mint juleps, corn pones, everything.  I'm pretty sure even the color gray would trigger her and her ilk like a Target store without a transgender bathroom. Everything.

Why?  Because it's just another thing to beat Trump and members of the Republican Party over the head with and another excuse to do absolutely nothing to advance The Peoples' agenda.  They're planting their Gucci-clad feet and refusing to join forces with Republicans to pass any legislation of any kind.  And they don't feel guilty it in the least.  It's what they do.  Or, should we say, don't do...

Just think:  Last weekend in Chicago there were 63 people shot and 8 died.  From gunfire.  In a town where it's almost impossible to buy, own, use, store, polish, brandish, display, hide, talk about or trade a gun.  But do the Democrats talk about the failure of more than 90 years of Democrat rule in Chicago?  No.  They talk about how we have to remove every last vestige of the history of the War Between the States. There are more than 1,100 Civil War-related statues lying in repose around the Country.  And those on the Far Left now want them all removed.  Even Lincoln's Memorial was defaced by some miscreant last week.  Why?  Don't know.  Remember, Lincoln freed the slaves.  But I guess that's too close an affiliation for those on the Looney Left. Sad.

Buuuuut, I, The Chuckmeister, have done a little bit of research on the subject.  I've decided to help the Democrats by drawing their attention to some other places and things that were named for or based on the Confederacy.  And no, I'm not looking for their thanks.  It's just what I do as an American patriot.  So, get comfy, open a nice Sierra Nevada pale ale and behold what the Lefties could target next:

1.  Wall Street:  Whether you know it or not, during the period 1711 to 1762, Wall Street was the home of slave markets. Yes, slaves were traded on Manhattan Island, and we must abolish Wall Street in our self-flagellation over all things Confederate.

2.  New York:  New York State was named for the Duke of York, who became King Charles II of England (no relation, I'm sure).  The Duke financed the Royal Africa Company, which made massive profits off slave trading for more than two centuries.

3.  Fort Bragg:  Yes, the very largest military installation in all of America, and home to the storied 82nd Airborne Division, was named for Confederate general Braxton Bragg.  His name will surely have to be scrubbed from this fort and replaced with some other more politically correct one. Suggestions?  How about Fort Obama?  Would that make Nancy happy? 

4.  JP Morgan-Chase:  This, America's biggest bank, at one time owned slaves.  Divisions of the bank accepted 1,000's of slaves as collateral for loans, made to plantation owners in the early 19th century.  That means it absolutely MUST be shut down, or at least shamed by every right-thinking American...

5.  Georgetown University:  In 1838 Georgetown U's then-president Thomas F. Mullely sold 272 slaves to help pay off the college's debt. Should every Georgetown School of Law graduate return their diplomas in disgust?  Hmmmmmmm...

6.  Brooks Brothers:  America's oldest men's clothing retail chain.  Long before it became mainstream it sold slave clothing to plantation owners. I guess that means no one can ever buy a BB suit again, right?

7.  Aetna:  This, my friends, is a major U.S. insurance company.  Back in the 1850's Aetna sold insurance policies to slave owners to help recover their investment if they somehow managed to work their chattel to death.  This disqualifies them from doing business with the Government, doesn't it?

8.  AIG:  Now best known for selling reverse mortgage financing, one of this outfit's divisions, U.S. Life, insured slaves back during the 1850's and 60's.  Didn't know that, didja?

9.  Brown University:  30 of this Ivy League college's governing early board members owned slaves.  Wow, it seems nearly everybody back then owned slaves, didn't they?

10.  Ulysses S. Grant:  Union general, famous drunkard, future President of the U.S. and the guy who's face is on the $50 bill owned one slave, a Mr. William Jones.  He granted Mr. Jones his freedom in 1859. Somehow I doubt our Mr. Lincoln would have picked Grant to win the Civil War if he hadn't...

And finally...

11.  Arlington Cemetery:  Confederate general Robert E. Lee was against slavery, was a friend of U. S. Grant, wanted nothing to do with the impending War and made his home at what was to ultimately become Arlington Cemetery.  But his ties to the South were stronger than his desire to avoid a conflagration.  So he did his duty and fought hard for the Confederacy, to no avail.  He forfeited his home and land to the Union after he lost the Civil War.  Land adjacent to the Potomac where our National Cemetery is so proudly situated today.  

But because Lee led the Confederacy, which only seceded from the Union due to its refusal to abolish slavery, we must now rename this resting place for tens of thousands of our heroes.  If you have suggestions for a new name, be sure to let Nancy Pelosi know...