The War Between the States, Part Deux...

The "war between the states" that just ended wasn't fought between the North and the South.  No, my friends, and you are my friends, it was fought between the "Reds" and the "Blues."

It seems that those who live on or near the coast, within, say, 50 miles of either ocean, the so-called "Coastal Bubble," voted mainly for Hillary Clinton. Those are the "Blue" states. And those who live in the great "Flyover Country," as it's known, or roughly 80% of America's land area, voted for Donald J. Trump.  And there were enough folks in the flyover states, the "Red" states, that Trump wound up winning in an Electoral rout.   

Yes, it's true that Clinton received more actual votes.  More than 5 million more than Trump to be exact.  However, those votes came from three counties in New York and four in California.  2 out of 3 votes in California were for Clinton. With CA now offering drivers' licenses to illegal aliens, more than 850,000 of them last year alone, more even then were issued to its legal citizens, all bets are off as to whether some of CA's newly-legal-ish neighbors may have pulled the lever for Ms. Clinton.  That's because her hubby ex-Prez Billy J. ("Blue Dress") Clinton signed a law between dalliances forcing the "motor voter" arrangement upon folks like us. 

That means you're automatically registered to vote in CA when you get your drivers' license. Ergo, one has to reasonably ask if a good portion of those 2 out of 3 came from "uninvited (but muy welcome) visitors." That's liberal-speak here in Taxifornia for illegal aliens, doncha' know)?  

Oh yeah, don't you dare refer to them as "illegals" here. They'll tell you in no uncertain terms that no one is "illegal." They're just "undocumented."  Hmmmm.  I guess drug dealers should now be refereed to as "undocumented pharmacists."

And doncha' dare underestimate CA's willingness to punish free speech. There's a bill in the Legislature right now that would get you a big fine and a year in the Big House for using the wrong pronoun when referring to those who are of a transgender persuasion.  Example:  Call Caitlin Jenner "Bruce" and go away for a long, long time.

BTW, for those who believe it's unfair for the person who receives the most votes not to win the Election, let me remind you that Alfonso ("Global Warming will roast us all in a fiery Hell!") Gore lost the Presidential election back in 2000 even though he got the most actual votes.  That Electoral College thing is a real bear, isn't it?  It was put there in the Constitution by our super-smart Founding Fathers to protect the less populated states from being bullied by the four or five biggest states with the mostest people.  No Electoral College? No reason for a politician to even campaign there. Like, say, Montana, or Missouri, or Nebraska, or Alabama, or New Mexico, or Georgia, or Tennessee a couple of dozen other states.

Yep, just spend your time, and your money, in CA and TX and IL and FL and NY.  That's where all the people are, and therefore, that's where most of the popular votes are, right?   

Oh yeah, let me remind you that if Gore had won his home state of Tennessee he'd have won the election. One just has to ask, if his home state didn't vote for him, isn't that all the rest of us really needed to know back then?  Me thinks so...

But nonetheless, it was almost as bad (or good, depending upon your political persuasion) in New York.  Every part of NY except the Five Burroughs voted for Trump, but there's millions and millions and millions of Democrats in and around New York City.  Don't know why for sure, my friends, there just are. Been that way for generations.  Likely be that way for generations to come.  

The same is true for San Diego, Lost Angeles, Santa Monica, Santa Cruz, the Silicon Valley and San Francisco...all within sniffing distance of salt air (Wait!  Maybe salt air really is responsible for all this craziness!). 

Oh wait!  Chicago is a cess pool of toxic liberalism in what is otherwise be a good, solid conservative state.  Maybe it's not the salt in the air, maybe it's just the proximity to huge bodies of water!

And of course there's Portland and Seattle.  Just full of lefties! Brimming over, are they! All in the Coastal Bubble, doncha' know. For some reason they all just luuuuuv what Democrats have to say.  My own personal theory is that they're either a), very, very rich, ala Gates and Zuckerburg, and are feeling sooooo guilty about it; or b) very, very poor, and wish to screw those who make more than they do by voting exclusively for those who promise to redistribute other peoples' hard-gained wealth heavily their way.  

Think Guvna Jerry "Moonbeam" Brown, our civil servant-for-life, a guy who will die a multi-millionaire one day soon without ever having held a private-sector job.  But in the meantime he can boast an unblemished record of anti-freedom achievements that have severely tarnished the once-Golden State.  

Anyway, the net result is that CA has drifted ever closer to all-out socialism during the past 30 or so years.  And those of us who are self-reliant, self-sufficient, freedom- and small government-loving, military-supporting, flag-waving, gun-toting, family values-embracing, God-fearing 'Muricans are not at all happy about that reality.  No, my friends, not happy at all.  But those of us in that latter category are sadly in the minority here in the Peoples' Republic of California.

Sort of like, being held hostage doncha' know.

Fortunately, I've found one of the few remaining conservative enclaves remaining in the once-Golden State in which to make my home. Everyone around here is armed and considered dangerous.  Sort of like Fort Apache in the Old West, on the lookout for the savages preparing to mount another attack on our freedoms, rampaging over the battlements, ululating at the top of their lungs. So steer clear, all you redistributionists! 

Love that word, ululating.  Look it up...

But back to the point:  The clear majority of the residents of flyover states voted for The Donald.  And the Dems here in CA and those in NY, and MD, and OR, and WA are bigly pissed!  So pissed, in fact, that the brain dead bozos in charge here are actually planning to secede from the Union! Not kidding!  A referendum is being circulated as I write this. And if it gets the requisite number of signatures it will be on the ballot as a citizen referendum come 2018.  And my guess is the room temperature-I.Q. weenies here in La La Land who constitute the majority of the electorate may vote in favor. Because that's what their Progressive masters and the Alphabet Media will have told them to do. 

Hmmmmmm.

Now, I personally think that's a good idea, even if only because it would be so hugely entertaining to watch.  I'm of an age that such an occurrence wouldn't negatively impact me very much or for very long.  It would be a living Hell for my kids, however, and their kids, and their kids' kids, but there's a whole lot of people here who are so vacuous and ignorant and jealous of those that have stuff they don't, and they're too damn lazy to go out and work for it themselves, that they are blissfully unaware that living in what could easily become Venezuela isn't such a good idea. They've been schooled since zygotes to think the way they do by far too many lefty, Progressive parents and teachers, and so are used to getting a trophy solely for participating.  So why, I ask rhetorically, would they think anything bad about socialism?

Soooooo, my friends, having been born and raised in the Midwest before emigrating way-back-when to what was then a true paradise, I have a foot in both camps, so to speak.  I know how they feel and think, and I know how folks here in La La Land do the same. And I can tell you the folks here will never understand how it's possible for what they believe to be a funny-talking, billionaire-ish, narcissistic, orange hair god reality TV star to somehow win the White House when their much-favored, glass ceiling-breaking, next-in-line, most qualified-ever-in-history, uber-Liberal candidate should have been a shoo-in.   

I'm guessing they actually believe the total bunkum spewed by the Democrats and the Lap Dog Media about the Russians having stolen the election.  After all, they have to believe that.  Or perhaps some other invented excuse, Otherwise, they'd have to get their arms around the fact that they made a huge mistake by running a pandering, self-dealing, elitist, greedy, serial prevaricator for the Presidency of the United States of America.  

But this "war" will likely have unintended repercussions that will last for generations.  We have an actual physical hatred among the various participants in this undeclared war.  The coastal bubblers have such an enduring disdain for the (what they think are) toothless, pickup truck-driving, rodeo-loving, double digit-I.Q., uneducated, inbred rubes who inhabit "flyover," and those in flyover country view the lefty, greedy, self-dealing, limousine-riding, pinky-lifting, redistributionist, tax-and-spend bozos on either coast with such contempt, I doubt this conflagration will ever result in a truce. 

Soooooo, to all of my old chums back in Missouri, give up on the Dinosaur Media actually ever reporting the true, unvarnished, un-tweaked news. Expect their biased left-wing slant on reality to continue. And don't expect those in the coastal bubble to start embracing good ol' capitalistic, conservative, self-reliant family values anytime soon.  In fact, I'd suggest that the ideal way to end this contest of ideologies is to simply have a divorce; let the Lefty states go their way, and those who embrace conservative values stay "Right" where they are... 

Let's see.  I'd guess that those on the "Right" will take capitalism, and the military, and country music, and guns, and bourbon, and baseball, and fast cars, and Bar-B-Q, and football, and the flag, and freedom, and the National Anthem, and low taxes, and small Gummint, and God, and the Bill of Rights...all Ten of them. They come as a boxed set, doncha' know.
  
And the coastal dweebs can keep their professional protesting, and Black Lies Matter, and designer water, and wind power, and electric cars, and political correctness, and college "safe places," and their totally biased media, and gender confusion, and sanctuary cities, and redistributionist tax hikes, and Big Government, and "white privilege," and, of course, Global Warming, the biggest scam ever perpetrated on the people of America.

But, lemme tell ya', when the fit hits the shan, and the Bad Guy zombies start rampaging, and the snowflakes' primary orifices begins to pucker, and the elites' bodyguards start to desert them in droves, tell them not to call on the "flyover" states to save their bacon.  Because the red-blooded folks everywhere will be eating it around a campfire while they're out on a hunting trip, taking down a Bambi or two in the process...

Let's Not Stop At Statues...

So ex-Speaker of the House of Representatives Nancy Pelosi has walked past statues of 11 Confederate dignitaries in the Capitol's Statuary Hall every single day Congress has been in session for more than 36 years.  Not once during that entire period did she get overwrought over such a presence. 

For four years of Bush the Elder, and eight years of Billy J. "Blue Dress" Clinton, and eight years of Bush the Junior, and eight glorious years of Obama, San Fran Nan was not off put in the least by statues of those who fought and died on behalf of the Confederacy during that "Waa of Nawthen' Aggresshun." Not until Donald J. Trump was elected and some of her friends on the Hard Left decided to get the vapors over all things Confederacy did she decide that these statues needed to come down.  And come down now! 

She, the daughter of the Major of Baltimore, Maryland, a state steeped in southern charm, has decided that all things "South" is now toxic.  

Annnnnnd, everything, everywhere that was ever named or affiliated or associated, however tangentially with anyone who ever ventured south of the Mason-Dixon Line must be scrubbed from our collective memory! Flags, tombstones, buildings, statues, words, deeds, blue crabs, pecan pie, mint juleps, corn pones, everything.  I'm pretty sure even the color gray would trigger her and her ilk like a Target store without a transgender bathroom. Everything.

Why?  Because it's just another thing to beat Trump and members of the Republican Party over the head with and another excuse to do absolutely nothing to advance The Peoples' agenda.  They're planting their Gucci-clad feet and refusing to join forces with Republicans to pass any legislation of any kind.  And they don't feel guilty it in the least.  It's what they do.  Or, should we say, don't do...

Just think:  Last weekend in Chicago there were 63 people shot and 8 died.  From gunfire.  In a town where it's almost impossible to buy, own, use, store, polish, brandish, display, hide, talk about or trade a gun.  But do the Democrats talk about the failure of more than 90 years of Democrat rule in Chicago?  No.  They talk about how we have to remove every last vestige of the history of the War Between the States. There are more than 1,100 Civil War-related statues lying in repose around the Country.  And those on the Far Left now want them all removed.  Even Lincoln's Memorial was defaced by some miscreant last week.  Why?  Don't know.  Remember, Lincoln freed the slaves.  But I guess that's too close an affiliation for those on the Looney Left. Sad.

Buuuuut, I, The Chuckmeister, have done a little bit of research on the subject.  I've decided to help the Democrats by drawing their attention to some other places and things that were named for or based on the Confederacy.  And no, I'm not looking for their thanks.  It's just what I do as an American patriot.  So, get comfy, open a nice Sierra Nevada pale ale and behold what the Lefties could target next:

1.  Wall Street:  Whether you know it or not, during the period 1711 to 1762, Wall Street was the home of slave markets. Yes, slaves were traded on Manhattan Island, and we must abolish Wall Street in our self-flagellation over all things Confederate.

2.  New York:  New York State was named for the Duke of York, who became King Charles II of England (no relation, I'm sure).  The Duke financed the Royal Africa Company, which made massive profits off slave trading for more than two centuries.

3.  Fort Bragg:  Yes, the very largest military installation in all of America, and home to the storied 82nd Airborne Division, was named for Confederate general Braxton Bragg.  His name will surely have to be scrubbed from this fort and replaced with some other more politically correct one. Suggestions?  How about Fort Obama?  Would that make Nancy happy? 

4.  JP Morgan-Chase:  This, America's biggest bank, at one time owned slaves.  Divisions of the bank accepted 1,000's of slaves as collateral for loans, made to plantation owners in the early 19th century.  That means it absolutely MUST be shut down, or at least shamed by every right-thinking American...

5.  Georgetown University:  In 1838 Georgetown U's then-president Thomas F. Mullely sold 272 slaves to help pay off the college's debt. Should every Georgetown School of Law graduate return their diplomas in disgust?  Hmmmmmmm...

6.  Brooks Brothers:  America's oldest men's clothing retail chain.  Long before it became mainstream it sold slave clothing to plantation owners. I guess that means no one can ever buy a BB suit again, right?

7.  Aetna:  This, my friends, is a major U.S. insurance company.  Back in the 1850's Aetna sold insurance policies to slave owners to help recover their investment if they somehow managed to work their chattel to death.  This disqualifies them from doing business with the Government, doesn't it?

8.  AIG:  Now best known for selling reverse mortgage financing, one of this outfit's divisions, U.S. Life, insured slaves back during the 1850's and 60's.  Didn't know that, didja?

9.  Brown University:  30 of this Ivy League college's governing early board members owned slaves.  Wow, it seems nearly everybody back then owned slaves, didn't they?

10.  Ulysses S. Grant:  Union general, famous drunkard, future President of the U.S. and the guy who's face is on the $50 bill owned one slave, a Mr. William Jones.  He granted Mr. Jones his freedom in 1859. Somehow I doubt our Mr. Lincoln would have picked Grant to win the Civil War if he hadn't...

And finally...

11.  Arlington Cemetery:  Confederate general Robert E. Lee was against slavery, was a friend of U. S. Grant, wanted nothing to do with the impending War and made his home at what was to ultimately become Arlington Cemetery.  But his ties to the South were stronger than his desire to avoid a conflagration.  So he did his duty and fought hard for the Confederacy, to no avail.  He forfeited his home and land to the Union after he lost the Civil War.  Land adjacent to the Potomac where our National Cemetery is so proudly situated today.  

But because Lee led the Confederacy, which only seceded from the Union due to its refusal to abolish slavery, we must now rename this resting place for tens of thousands of our heroes.  If you have suggestions for a new name, be sure to let Nancy Pelosi know...