Let's Adopt Meheeeeeko's Immigration Policies!

To all you wonderful folks who have been waiting breathlessly for the next installment from The Chuckmesiter, your faithful correspondent, here 'tis...

In response to the cacophony of positive commentary I received from my tens of rabid followers about including old TV opening themes in my postings, I've decided to throw you all a bone once again.  So here is the opening theme music from the wildly popular 1960's Batman TV series.  Ready?

     "Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da Batman!  Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da Batman!  Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da Batman!  Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da Batman!  Batman!  Batman!  Batman!  Batman!  Batman!"

You're welcome.  Now on to the subject of this posting.

A major reason, some would say the major reason The Donald's campaign has caught fire is his position on illegal immigration.  Regardless of what you think of him, whether Internet-era reality show billionaire visionary super famous rock star, or circus clown loudmouth self-satisfied ego-maniacal rude crude buffoon jerk, he's touched a nerve within the electorate which has forever altered the way we view, and conduct, our elections. And because of him, we've been hearing more and more about 'Murica's need to reform our immigration policies.

Yes, my friends, and you are my friends, America's borders are like Swiss Cheese. Without the cheese part, of course. Just a bunch of gigantic, gaping, enormous holes. Holes through which millions of Mexicans and Central Americans and Cubans and who-knows-who-else pour through on their way to Valhalla.  We have a few miles of effective fencing from the Pacific Ocean heading inland just south of San Diego.  And then from there heading east for, oh, about 1,760 miles, not so much.  

The Trumpster wants to build a fence all across the Mexican - American border, and force the Mexicans to pay for it.  They say they will not!  Actually, their previous President said "No" with an "F" word thrown in for emphasis. One has to wonder just how tall such a wall would have to be to prevent some Chinese ladder manufacturer from creating one tall enough to scale it. Whatever, "the Wall" has ignited - some say reignited - a national dialogue over this signature issue for our 2016 General Election.

The Rio Grande, which means Grand River in Meheeekano, doncha' know, is a natural barrier between us and that big 3rd-world country to the south.  But it is unfortunately about three feet deep in most places.  And so that "natural barrier" isn't such a big barrier it turns out after all.  Millions of illegals have streamed across it, barely getting their feet wet, much less their backs, setting up shop and insinuating themselves into our society.  

That's been going on, pretty much unabated, since we stole Mexico from our brown brothers down there fair and square via the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo in 1848. That Treaty ended the Mexican-American War, during which we kicked their asses, and took the area previously known as "Alta California" as our spoils.  That "area" was a vast stretch of real estate from the Border north to San Francisco, and then east covering a dozen states or so and on to west Texas.  It represented about a quarter of what became the United States.  So winning this big chunk of dirt was kind of important to us, and one can certainly understand that losing it was a pretty big blow to the Mexicans.  

They not only took the loss hard, they have still failed to come to terms with it.  In fact, they refuse to accept its legitimacy. That's why they call the border between us "La Frontera," or The Frontier. That's also why they don't consider it a crime to cross it without our permission.  They feel breaking into our country is their right, not a privilege. And they feel that coming here, taking our jobs, and our subsistence, and a free education for their newly-minted American citizen kids, and then sending home the money they earn as just payback for our having screwed them out of a big portion of their land.   They call such payments "remittances,"  and it turns out to represent about $20 Billion a year in hard currency.  That's big bucks to Mexico's economy.  So their biggest export is oil, and second is their poor.  Think of that.  They send us their poor so they don't have to feed and clothe and house and educate them, and then welcome the dollars they send back.  And we seem to embrace that stark reality with open arms.

Some of us are pretty pissed about that.  Some, particularly of Liberal persuasion, not so much. But all would say we need to do something, even if it's wrong. Particularly because that "3rd-world country to the south" doesn't seem to share our same idea of immigration laws.     

In fact, about the only ray of sunshine about this upside-down immigration situation is that our economy has soured under the reign of B. Hussein Obama, and Mexico's has improved quite a bit. A major reason has been that many American companies have relocated their manufacturing there so as to avoid our increasingly onerous taxes and tremendously burdensome rules and regulations. It seems we can't keep out  Mexicans and we can't keep in corporations.  Thus, the flood of immigrants our way has slowed a bit, with many heading back down south where the jobs picture has improved considerably.  

You wouldn't think that Mexico would ever, ever complain about our immigration laws unless theirs was above reproach, would you?  Me neither.  But they do.  Often.  And loudly!  So I decided to do a little research on behalf of my tens of loyal readers and see how their immigration laws stack up with our own.  Drum roll please.  The results:

If you break into Mexico without permission, you get two years in their Graybar Hotel, at hard labor.  And their idea of "hard labor" is quite a bit different from our own.  Put simply, no flat screen TV for you, Gringo.  You then get deported, if you're still alive, that is.

If you break in again, and they catch you, it's ten years' hard labor!  Of course, if you try to come in from countries across Mexico's southern border, such as Nicaragua, El Salvador or Guatemala, you'll face their entrenched army and a bevy of machine guns pointed in your direction.  In other words, don't try to break in. Think we should try some of that?  I'm thinking some pay-per-view of Mexicans facing down our chattering machine guns could help us reduce our ballooning Federal debt quite a bit.

But assuming you emigrate to Mexico legally, and that's not easy, you'll then face a daunting list of conditions.  It will take you at least a year and cost thousands of dollars to earn the privilege of a driver's license.  Here in Taxifornia we give, give drivers' license to illegals!  There?  You need to bend over backwards and pay through the nose to get one. NOTE: To those from other states (you lucky dogs!), Taxifornia issued more than 670,000 drivers' licenses to illegals last year, just over half of all those we handed out.  So those who can't be here legally, can now drive here legally, while being here illegally. I kid thee not.

There, you may not participate in any political actions, regardless of the type.  You may not run for political office. You have no freedom of speech.  You may not march, protest, wave signs and placards, desecrate their flag or attempt to influence public opinion. I think we could use some of that.  Remember reading about the illegal who graduated from one of Taxifornia's prestigious law schools awhile back, on a full-ride scholarship, no less, and then was awarded the right to practice law by our highest court?  Breathtaking. 

Mexican citizens in Mexico are given preference in hiring over foreign nationals, even those with visas and proper documentation. Here, Mexicans are given preference because they'll often work for less, "doing the jobs Americans won't do". 

Only citizens may serve in Mexico's police and armed forces, on airline crews, or at seaports and airports.  You may not obtain a pilot's license there or be an engineer on a train. Sounds a bit jingoistic, doesn't it?  

Members of both houses of their Congress and their Supreme Court must all be natural-born Mexicans. Immigrants - even legal ones - may not serve in their clergy. This racial profiling they practice down there is getting somewhat tiresome, don't you agree?  

Foreigners, legal or illegal, may not own land within 50 miles of any body of water, whether ocean, lake, river or stream. They may take possession through a type of holding company, however, but may not own such land directly. Here, we'll sell anything to anyone anywhere as long as they have a saddlebag full of cash.  

Think not?  Then-Secretary of State Hillary Clinton arranged the sale of more than one-half of all our uranium production capability to a Russian company a few years back in exchange for a small $100 Million donation to her little tax-exempt Foundation.  Nice.

Any Mexican citizen may arrest illegals and their accomplices and turn them over to the authorities.  Foreigners, legal or otherwise, may be expelled at any time, for any reason, or for no reason.  Wait a minute!  Since about half of all Mexicans are already here, perhaps we should simply deputize them and put them to work arresting Mexican gang members! What a great idea!

According to their immigration laws, you will be barred from entry if your presence "...upsets the equilibrium of the national demographics."  You will not be granted legal residency unless you can "...contribute to the national progress," and that you have "...the necessary funds for sustenance."  Try some of that here and the ACLU would have your ass.

And once you finally get your visa, if you violate it, you're guilty of a felony, which gets you six years in the slammer. Think of that; it's a felony to violate their immigration laws by overstaying your legally-obtained visa.  Here?  It's a misdemeanor to break into our country, or overstay your visa.  NOTE:  It's estimated that up to half of all the illegals here are visa overstays.  And the ACLU and most Liberals would like to do away with that little impediment to signing up more voters-to-be.  There's more, but hey, space is limited, even for The Chuckmeister.

Well now, it would seem that those nice Mexicans must believe that their immigration laws are superior to our own. Otherwise, they wouldn't shoot off their mouths about how unfair we 'Muricans are to their exported poor.  It makes sense, then, for us to start the process of reconciliation by adopting theirs.  Then, working together with our most excellent friends and neighbors to the south, we can work jointly toward any mutually-beneficial compromises.  Maybe we can dig fox holes across the Rio Grande from each other, deploy our respective armies, with machine guns pointed at each other, and then wait for the next poor fool to dip a toe in those muddy, muddy waters... 

Just a thought...