Friday, July 1, 2011

You're Just Too Damn Dumb

Let me start with the Bottom Line: You out there in the digital universe. Yes, you. You are too damn dumb to be permitted to make decisions for yourself. There. I said it. Yes, Mr./Mrs./Ms./Other America, the Commie Pinko Liberal Dumbass Weenies (CPLDW) believe to their very core that the American people cannot and should not be allowed to decide for themselves where, when, how and under what circumstances to live their own lives. You think I'm exaggerating? Please allow me to elaborate:

Although I'd dearly love to lay everything that's happening squarely at the feet of our newly-minted Redistributor-in-Chief, in truth, pols in both parties have colluded to erode our individual and collective civil and Constitutional rights for the past 70 years. But the efforts of the Democrats since they took charge of D.C. on January 20, 2007, under the direction of Speaker Nancy ("You have to pass the bill to find out what's in it") Pelosi and Majority Leader Harry ("This war is lost!") Reid, and more recently under the aegis of the New Chicago Administration and with the complicity of state governments such as the spectacularly lame and feckless one currently operating in Sacramento these days, our rights have been under an assault of unprecedented proportions (Whew! 86 words. Long sentence!). Let me count the ways:

Shelly Obama has decided that we eat too much and of the wrong things. According to her, we should cut back on the fats and calories and drop some Elll Beeezzz. Yes, she of supremely large, Kardashianesque derriere feels comfortable in telling us what to eat and what to feed our kids. But, she freely admits that she just cannot stop eating Freedom Fries. Weenie. Just do what you're told. You're too damn dumb to do any different.

Mikey Bloomberg, the billionaire ex-Republican, ex-intelligent Mayor of New York City, believes that you shouldn't eat salt. So, he simply banned it from New York's restaurants. Oh, and trans fats too. And let's not forget, despite the 2nd Amendment guarantees, he really, really doesn't want you to have guns. So much so that he sent two plainclothes N. Y. detectives on the clock to a gun show in Phoenix to try and buy some weaponry without background checks. In Phoenix! Hello! Phoenix isn't in New York, Mikey! Can you say nosey? Yep, go straight from the 1st to the 3rd, says Mikey. Right. Without Bloomberg you'd no doubt be gobbling handfuls of salt and swilling gallons of trans fats while working overtime to try and buy lots and lots of guns. Because you're too damn dumb not to.

BHO really, REALLY believes that five buck gas is quite okay. He's said so repeatedly. Check out YouTube and you'll find the video. He thinks that will cause us to feel all warm and fuzzy about "investing" in green energy so we can save the planet, presumably from Al Gore. You know what "investing" means, don't' you? That means taking tax dollars from those that produce and spending them by the bushel to try and jump-start the windmill/solar technology industry that has nearly bankrupted Spain. The Spanish say for every new "green" job created there during the last ten years, they've lost 4 and one-half regular jobs. Interesting. In the meantime, Barry has said you can't drill your way to energy independence, as if the rules of supply and demand economics have somehow been rendered ineffectual where oil and gas are concerned. Yet, he just decided to release somewhere between 30 and 60 million gallons of crude from the National Petroleum Reserve to help bring down prices, no doubt to help his fading reelection prospects. Can you say no clue? Can you say disingenuous? You don't understand all of this do you? That's because you're too damn dumb.

The Sacto boys passed a law last year making it a crime to feed a live hamster or mouse or rat to your pet python. You must now euthanize them so they feel no pain whilst your Boa gobbles them down. BTW, snakes don't want to eat dead critters. They prefer their meals to be kicking and screaming. And then they made it a crime to drive with your Teacup Chihuahua on your lap. All this while (mis)managing to spend $25 Billion each year for the past several they do not have. And now they want you to agree to allow them to extend temporary taxes for another five years to cover their shortfall. Right. And now, the good citizens of the People's Republic of San Francisco have outlawed Happy Meals and the purchase of any pet that flies, walks, crawls or swims. Yep, no dogs, cats, hamsters, snakes, birds, or even FISH! BTW, it's okay to buy a lobster to take home, boil up and eat, just not put it in a fish tank. Cruelty, don't you know. Tell me this all sounds very strange to you and I'll tell you're it's because you're just too damn dumb.

You love pickups and SUVs and really large, heavy cars. Ford has been selling more than 500,000 F150 pickups a year for more than 20 years. That's what you want and you should be able to buy it, right? Unfortunately, wrong! The TelePrompTer-in-Chief and the Boys don't want you to drive these vehicles, especially Fords, because Ford refused to take TARP money. They want you to buy little overpriced hybrid and electric weenie cars. So much so they'll give you some of your neighbor's money as a bribe to get you to buy one (invest?). Does that make sense? If you don't think so it's because you're too damn dumb.

In the final analysis, CPLDWs just want to be left alone to live your life, because you're just too damn dumb to handle the task for yourself. You need to be told what to eat, what to wear, what to drive, where to educate your kids and even whether or not you can own a pet. And don't you dare try to stop them! They get really nasty when confronted with common sense…

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