"DACA"

Unless you've been living in a dumpster behind the nearest Wal-Mart, you're no doubt aware that President Trump just poked a hole in the "DACA" drama.  

DACA, as you know, stands for "Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals."  That's a really smarmy, plain vanilla way of saying it was an effort to legalize the approximately 850,000 "kids" that were brought here, illegally, by their illegal alien parents.  In other words, these "kids," many of whom are now 25 or over, were dragged here by their moms and dads as they crossed the border into America without first asking for permission.  As in "illegally." And "illegally" here in America, is, ummm, ILLEGAL!

I'm reminded of what then-Representative Sonny Bono had to say when asked what he thought of illegal immigration.  His answer: "Well, it's illegal, isn't it?"  Succinct.  To the point.  Brilliantly so.

So there's this big kerfuffle between the Republicans and Conservatives who believe that illegal means illegal, and that those who break the law should be made to pay for having done so.  And then there's the Democrats and "Progressive" Liberals, who don't seem to give a damn about that whole illegal thing and just want to ignore their crime and grant them some sort of official dispensation.  Kind of like it's a "no big deal" sort of thing. They want to get past all this unpleasantness so their new arrivals can get on with that whole voting thing, doncha' know.

Well, there are those of us who don't believe two wrongs make a right.  (Or if you're Chinese, two Wongs don't make a White.  Heh heh).  Their parents broke the law.  And their offspring are breaking the law by just being here.  The Righties will be mightily pissed if these "kids" and their illegal parents are given a pass for this.  And the Lefties will be mightily pissed if their future voters, assuming they're not already voting, will be made to pay ANY price at all for their transgressions.  They want them given a free ticket to the front of the line while all those other fools who actually played the immigration game by the rules laid out by canonized law and who are paying their fees and are waiting for up to ten years to be given approval to emigrate here legally.  Poor dummies...

So the question must be asked, what are we, the 'Murican people, to do with these nearly one million "kids?"  It wouldn't be fair to send them back to a place they don't know or even remember, to be sure.  It also wouldn't be fair to simply grant them a pass and issue them their citizenship papers, would it?  Ummm, no.  

So I, The Chuckmeister, have a suggested solution to this perplexing problem.  I suggest that we give each of these "kids" a choice:  Either go home yourself, back to Guadalajara, where you've probably never been and might not even speak the language, or send your parents back to where they started and choose to undo the crime they committed way back when.  

So, here's the deal.  Simple solution.  Stay here and be prosecuted, or send mommy and daddy back to Chapultepec and avoid them having to stand before the judge.  Some will take this option, and some won't.  But we, the American people, will see justice done.  We'll hold wrongdoer's feet to the fire, whether they wish to see justice done, or not. 

Or we won't.  And this whole sordid scenario will play out as just one more nail in the coffin of America's effort to establish a true representative republic.  Just one more piece of evidence that our Great Experiment has, after more than 200 years, crashed and burned.  Conservatives will wring their hands and wonder how this was permitted to happen, while uttering over and over, "Woe is me, woe is me." 

And Progressives will jump up and down with glee, clapping each other on the back in joy after having proved victorious in successfully removing one more "Right" we Americans used to enjoy.  They should be ashamed of themselves for having taken us one step closer to all out socialist control of our once-Great Country.  If they had any shame, that is... 

Fairness is that for which we all strive.  Or at least those of us who believe in fairness.  I guess we'll learn as this whole mess unfolds just exactly who among our elected representatives in D.C. shares our quest for that elusive fairness thing...

"The Shortest Measurable Unit of Time."

It used the be that the shortest measurable unit of time was called a "Planck."  The scientists tell us that a "Planck" is the amount of time it takes for light to travel a "Planck's length" across one "Fermi," which is just about the size of a nucleon, in a vacuum.

That's like one millionth of a second.  Or something.  And a nucleon is, ummm, like really, really small!  Thank God for scientists.  Otherwise, who would make up this stuff?

Quicker than that, even, I, your loyal scribe, the graying Yoda you look to for inside information about esoteric effluvia, the flotsam and jetsam of modern life so important to those who actually care about such stuff, now report to you, is called the "Taxi."  That's the time it takes for the taxi behind you at a stop light in mid-town Manhattan to blow its horn once the traffic light in front of you has changed.  We're talking the blink of the proverbial eye here, folks! 

By the way, I just made that up.  Don't thank me.  It's why God put me here.  But hey, it makes sense, doesn't it?

But far and away the absolute quickest measurement of time these days is now called a "Gunny."  I know, because I just made that up as well.  That's the time it takes for some Left-wing jackass in Congress (a little less than half of them), or a late-night "comic" on TV (aren't they supposed to be funny?), or perhaps a room temperature-I.Q. actor or actress (isn't that just about all of them?) who fires up his/her/its Twitter-er-er thingie and proceeds to make a complete fool of him/her/itself following a tragic shooting.  

We have to add the "itself" here in California as so very many of my fellow residents are of confused sexuality.

So here's the scenario.  Some deranged bozo, looking to go out in a blaze of glory, and take a lot of innocent folks with him, or some jihadist Muslim deranged thug killer, looking to score those mythical 72 virgins, shoots up some place, kills far too many, and leaves lots of blood and carnage in his wake.  And usually he either kills himself when the cops burst through the door, or forces the cops to shoot him instead.  That last solution is called "suicide by cop," by the way.

And then, while the acrid smell of gunpowder and smoke is still hanging in the air like a hovering evil specter, the echo of the shots that just rang out still reverberating around the place like BB's in a boxcar, some Lefty TV talking head, or hipppmotizzzed Hollyweird actor, or an "inside the Beltway" lobbyist, or Democrat pol looking to whip up the crowd of fawning sycophants to help fan his reelection flames, will run, not walk, to the nearest microphone and begin babbling some incoherent condemnation of guns, gun owners, ammunition, country music-lovers, flags, pickup trucks, hot dogs, fireworks, anthems, beer and Republicans.  Oh yeah, and Global Warming. 

Yes, I know, another long sentence.  But hey, you understood what I was trying to say, didn't you?  And it's my blog so I can do anything I want, right?  If I like long sentences I can use them, right?  All you have to do is read it, right?  And you can't beat the price, right?

They will rail, they will shout, they will blame, they will shake their fists in anger, they will jump up and down.  They will demand, demand that we "do something, do anything" about the "lax" gun laws so as to prevent a recurrence of the latest tragedy.  Of course, if you ask them exactly which new law they would propose that would prevent another such shooting, they routinely come up short.  Their eyes glaze over.  They begin to mumble incoherently.  They can't name a single one.  Not a law can they come up with to prevent what this crazy fool in Vegas did recently.  And, with exception of Islamic religious killings, none of the other mass shootings we've been forced to live through of late, either.

Need proof?  Check out what Sen. Lady "Di" Feinstein had to say on "Face the Nation"last Sunday.  She, the woman who came up with the term "assault rifle" back in 1992 when she and her boss Billy Jeff "Blue Dress" Clinton were looking to ban all those black, evil-looking military-style but completely safe civilian rifles.  She, when asked if there was a prospective law that would have made the Vegas Massacre not happen, calmly said, "No!"  

So what do they want?  They demand GUN CONTROL!  Lots of it!  Gimme' some more of that GUN CONTROL, they shout!  Impose "Universal Background Checks!" (Hello Democrats!  We've had Federal background checks for all gun purchases since 1998!).  And close the so-called "Gun Show Loophole!" (No such thing!  All guns purchased legally, no matter where, including at a gun show, must be preceded by a Federal background check!).   And make the waiting period before citizens can buy a gun much, much longer! (You might be wishing to murder your probably abused wife so we can't let you have that gun you just purchased for a week or so!).  And declare the National Rifle Association, the oldest public-benefit charitable organization in the entire U.S., with more than 5 million dues-paying citizens like you and me, or at least, me, as a "terrorist organization" (thank you Keith Olbermann...you were, are, and always will be a world-class, totally worthless, boil-on-the-butt-of-humanity, jerk).  

But when reminded that Chicago, which has the very most stringent gun laws in the entire Untied States, and that they lose an average of about the same number of victims to gun crimes every month as died during that fateful concert in Las Vegas, they usually change the subject, or begin waving their arms and shouting in anger, or start to stutter uncontrollably, or accuse the questioner of being a "tool of the NRA," or a bloodthirsty Republican who doesn't care who dies at the barrel of a gun.  

But to sidestep the almost overwhelming urge to pontificate endlessly on this topic about which I know so very, very much, I will close with this:  If you're a Liberal Democrat Progressive-type, gun-hating, politically-correct, Social Justice Warrior, you'll advocate for total disarmament of the 'Murican people at the earliest possible occasion.  And if you're a red-blooded, God-fearing, bourbon-swilling, flag-waving, self-reliant, patriotic Son of Liberty, you'll wish all the panty-waisted, limp-wristed weenies to leave you and your guns alone, today, tomorrow and forever.  Strong letter to follow...

Moral of the Story:  If even 5% of ducks were armed, do you think anyone would go duck hunting? 

California Just Jumped the Shark.....

The State of California finally went and did it.

Yes, my friends, and you certainly are my friends, California has passed some doozie laws of late.  Laws like Saturday Night Live might have passed if given the chance.  Like, no longer arresting pre-pubescent prostitutes, or their pimps. Like outlawing dairy cows from farting (not kidding!).  Like citing those who light fires in their fireplaces below 3,000 feet of elevation.  Like threatening those who use the wrong pronoun when addressing others with fines and even jail terms.  Oh, and like forcing people to undergo a Federal background check every time they wish to buy some ammunition.  That last one could make a lowly $5 box of .22s cost you more than $50.00!  

I guess the gun-haters in California have finally discovered that making ammunition too expensive to buy turns expensive guns into expensive paperweights.  It's taken them awhile but they've finally figured it out.

But now California has "jumped the shark."  It has chosen to extricate itself from the United States of America.  Peacefully, not a shot fired.  It just up and gave the rest of America the proverbial finger.  How?  On October 4th our Civil Servant-for-Life, Jerry "Moonbeam" Brown, a failed Jesuit priest who will retire a multi-millionaire after never having held a private-sector job, signed into law the absolute dumbest piece of legislation in the history of the galaxy.  Maybe even the universe!  CA declared itself a "sanctuary state."  That means our once-Golden-but-now-seriously-tarnished-State has made it unlawful for our law officers to obey the law.

Think about that for a minute.

This new law prohibits CA's law enforcement personnel from cooperating with Federal ICE or the FBI or Homeland Security or other immigration authorities who wish to snag their illegal aliens from their jails.  That means known criminal illegals who have been locked up will now be released to wander the streets once their State beefs have been settled. That means they won't be detained so the Feds can come in and grab them.  That also means they'll be right here and ready to vote for their preferred Democrat candidate once Election Day comes around.

That means California has chosen not to enforce Federal law.  That means that Brown and his cadre of sycophantic lefty loons has now decided to pick and choose which of our Federal laws to obey, and which ones to simply ignore.  It bans local and State authorities from using immigration resources to "investigate, interrogate, detain, detect, or arrest persons for immigration enforcement purposes."  It also bans them from asking about a person's immigration status.  Isn't that the definition of anarchy, I ask rhetorically?  Of course it is!  But then again, California has been sliding down that slippery slope toward out-and-out socialism for decades.

In response (retaliation?) Immigration and Customs Enforcement has just issued a statement letting CA know that "at large" arrests of illegals will now take place.  It lays down the gauntlet for all the CA weenies who have decided to involve themselves in Fed business that the Big Boys will now be wielding the "long arm of the law" to sidestep local enforcement efforts. In essence, the Feds will round up illegals without consideration for local or state participation. 

So we all learned in civics class that the 10th Amendment to the Constitution specified that the states only granted the Federal Government certain specified powers, and nothing more.  Those four were 1) minting our money, 2) managing our mail delivery, 3) refereeing disputes between the states and 4) securing our borders.  That last one includes controlling immigration and naturalization.  Now, it looks like the State of California is choosing to unilaterally and unconstitutionally take one of those powers back.

So here's my solution for the Federal 'Gummint (to be filed under "Payback's a Bitch!"):  Provide your border guards with a "Bienvenido to Alta California!" pamphlet to be given to "recent arrivals" once they've dried off from their arduous journey here.  In that pamphlet would be a "Map to the Stars," showing our newly-non-invited-but-welcomed-with-open-arms-by-some guests" with the directions to all their favorite movie-types' homes.  They have big houses, right? I'm sure they wouldn't mind sharing, right?  And these famous illegal-lovers have been quite vociferous in their support of "open borders," haven't they?  I'm recommending they get to experience "open borders" in a manner quite a bit more up close and personal then they had previously considered. And let's not forget to throw in some coupons good for freebie food and drinks and and phones and car rentals and stuff like that.  I mean, that's the very least California's glitterati can do, right?

I'm sure that the Weenies-in-Charge up there in that jerkwater town known as Sacraupyours won't mind a bit getting all this free advertising.  After all, they must reeeeeely want all lot more Undocumented Democrats to replace all those middle-class citizens who have been leaving in droves from Venezuela-North toward the Real America.  

The States and the Federal Gummint getting along together just gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over.  Doesn't it you?