For those of you too busy (or too intelligent) to watch the Democrat National Committee's 2020 Convention, please allow me, The Chuckmeister, your friend and faithful scribe, to summarize it for you.
I'm retired and disabled and hard of hearing and have a bad back and don't get around so very well anymore and am sort of curmudgeonly (get off my lawn!) so I have plenty of time to watch totally useless and nonsensical crap on TV and am therefore able to fill you in on all the juicier parts, even though there were very few juicy parts. So here goes...
- Convention, Night One:
No God in Pledge of Allegiance, and Trump sucks.
- Convention, Night Two:
No God in Pledge of Allegiance, and Trump sucks, Big Time! Everybody, especially Hollywood celebrities, are of the opinion that Trump really, REALLY sucks! He sucked yesterday, he sucks today, and damn! He's gonna' suck tomorrow, too...
- Convention, Night Three:
No God in Pledge of Allegiance, and Joe Biden's a super nice guy, we know that because lots and lots of folks tell us so. Kamala Harris is the first Southeast Asian-American woman whose family owned slaves to be picked as a V.P. candidate. Fauxcahontas Liz Warren is once again declared a Native American. Clinton's still not President although she claims to be, and Barry Obama is upset that Trump hasn't governed as a Liberal socialist Democrat.
- Convention, Night Four:
No God in Pledge of Allegiance, and America is a horrible, dark, scary, nasty, dirty, failing, dystopian wasteland where nobody has a job and people are dropping like flies from an out-of-control virus that Trump created. America, where dreams are shattered by Orange Man Bad, who hates undocumented future voters, and there's no chance for us unless we frog-march him from the White House and run him out of town on a rail. America, where guns are just awful, borders are even worse, and where we've gotta' tax the rich into the Stone Age. America, where post offices are in favor for the very first time ever, but Trump's trying to take them all away and hide them in his back yard so we can't vote. And America, where Joe Biden has told us he doesn't have Alzheimer's, dementia or Alzheimer's.
Got it? That's it. I just saved you about 9 hours of finger nails-on-a-blackboard, wretch-inducing TV viewing that would have driven you into the depths of depression and just might have given you the heartbreak of psoriasis. And what do I expect in return, fair reader? All I ask is this:
If you still intend to vote for Biden in November, tell me why without mentioning the name "Trump."
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