So I became so excited when our new Administration took office and began closing down our previously wide open Border!
The Biden Administration had opened it wide, permitting somewhere around 20 million folks from any of 158 countries to satchey in during their 4 years.
Wide open.
As in, welcome, traveler! How about a nice apartment overlooking the park? And a doctor to take care of you and your kids? And some nice, crisp, freshly-printed greenbacks to help you settle in? And a Left-leaning lawyer to help you get a green card? And all the food you and your family can eat, for free! And your choice of a plane, train or bus ticket to take you anywhere you'd like to go? We're here to help, stranger! We're like today's "Welcome Wagon!"
Welcome to America!
However, all that was illegal. It's illegal to wander in, between ports of entry, uninvited, and help yourself to our largesse. It's a misdemeanor punishable by up to six (6) months in the county hoosegow and a $1,000 fine. Did you know that? Apparently neither did anybody else...
But that didn't stop Sleepy Joe and his staff. They were doing their best to pad the voter rolls with brand new 'Muricans. And if Mzzzz. Kamala had somehow won, her handlers would have turned all those illegals into voters and we'd have Democrats in power for the next 50 years. The very thought makes me shivver.
But that didn't happen. And Trump decided to clamp that Border down tight. It took less than a month to do so, even though Joe and his cronies said it would take an Act of Congress. Of course he was lying. He was good at that. He should be. He's been doing it, on our dime, for more than 50 years.
So now there's been ZERO new illegal arrivals since The Donald took over. Just the normal flow of people arriving at any of our 26 Border entry points. Waiting in line, ready to meet that all important Border guard.
I'm so impressed I decided I'd like to be a Border guard, too!
Yes, I'm retired. But I'd like to become a Border guard. I'd be happy to sit in a chair with one of those little fans blowing on me and welcome each car as it drives up. Saying, "Welcome, stranger! Are you a U.S. citizen? Anything to report? No drugs or firearms or RPG's in the car today, right? Thanks, enchoi your visit to 'Murica and have a nice day!"
Oh yeah, the job starts at $51,039 a year, which is more than enough down there in Northern Meheeeeko. Plus a yuuuge signing bonus, and your own drug sniffing dog. I like dogs. I've already got a Maltese who thinks he's a German Shepard, so he'd have some company for a change.
I could do that job. And would. Excepppppt, there are two main problems. One, I'm a bit ancient. As in, older than dirt. And the Border rules state that new applicants must be one day short of their 40th birthday. Buuutt, our Secretary of War, Pete Hegseth, just stated that, if an applicant is a veteran, like moi, those limitations are lifted. And no upper limit on age has been written into law as of this date. So far, so good.
Annnnd, Number Two, since most of the folks headed to the Border down south don't speak English, and I don't speak Hispanic, they wouldn't want to hire me. They do say they'll take applicants who aren't Latino speakers, so long as they can blather the lingo the day they leave the Academy. They have to learn Spanish to be hired. And to me, that's an outrage! Imagine an American Federal job, paid for by our taxes, requiring a citizen applicant to speak a foreign language to be hired?
Now, you should know that fully 60% of all Border guards are Hispanic, and that's okay for them. Many of them are clawing their way out of poverty and using our tax money to do it. They already sprechen the lingo. But I'd say those wishing to visit 'Murica should learn English to be admitted. Agree? That would solve the problem. How hard is it to learn how to answer a question like, "Are you a citizen?" Why should we have to learn how to speak their language in order to get hired?
I think it's Elder Abuse! And I intend to contact the ACLU and get them to sue! They're so damnable Left-Wing, they'd probably take the case in a minute, and for free! Anything to try and screw up The Donald and his efforts to restore 'Murica's greatness!
And secondly, being a Veteran, who's fought and nearly died for his Country (paper cut infection went systemic), I believe I ought to get any job I apply for. And if they don't offer it, that's an "Americans With Disabilities Act" of 1990 violation! I even use a wheelchair when I think it might garner some sympathy.
So, in summation, I want to sit on a comfy chair in a little shack in 100 degree heat and ask visitors from Meheeeeko if they're trying to bring in some meth. And do so in English. And if they don't answer promptly and legibly, I'll call in the Company Beagle. He'll sniff the heck out of their cars until he/she/it (can dogs be transgender?) finds some contraband. I've been watching that show on the History Channel and it looks like fun. And I'll get the commies at the ACLU to sue the Feds if they don't agree with my convoluted interpretation of our hiring laws.
Stay tuned, Fellow 'Muricans. I'll keep you briefed...