HOA's

If you've never lived under the thumb of an HOA, count yourself among the most fortunate.

"HOA," if you don't know, stands for "Home Owners Association."  It also has been on occasion known as many other unprintable expletives.  And that's because many, if not most of the HOA's out there, have boards of directors comprised of those who never got to order anyone around in their primary vocation.  And they're finally able to get their Putin on.

Think about it:  if you're a mail delivery type, did you ever get to order anyone around?  No!  If you were a truck driver, did you ever get to order anyone around?  Nope!  How about a bank teller, or a dog catcher, or a carpenter?  They didn't get to order anyone around.  So just imagine how much of a need to scream at someone there's all bottled up in those folks?  Like that fizzzz in a Coke.  30 or 40 years of cleaning peoples' septic tanks gives you absolutely no one to order around.  

Nobody!

And then they retire.  And move into one of those 55-Plus communities.  And see an announcement for an HOA election.  Ah Ha!  Finally!  The chance to order folks around!  To pick fights over the tiniest of infractions to their Codes.  For the pure pleasure of exerting their newly-minted authority.  Over somebody.  

Anybody!

What started all this is I got a love note from some babe named Charlotte.  She's one of those dreaded Board members of my Dreaded HOA Board, I guess.  And apparently I had a shrub which had overgrown her standards.  Not necessarily my standards as its owner.  Nor the HOA's standards, mind you, but her own personal standards.  So she wrote me a note.  And it said:

"Mr. (Chuckmeister), your shrub has overgrown your eves.  Make arrangements to have it trimmed or be fined."  

How nice, Charlotte!  I've never had the (dis)pleasure of meeting this lady in person, only by threat.  Maybe a nice phone call would have been preferable, don't you think?  As opposed to the "Nuclear Option" of reaching directly into my Bidenflation-racked pocketbook?  

So I took Executive Action.  I chose not to argue or fight or appeal.  Life's too short, as they say.  I found a guy to trim the shrub, and wrote Charlotte to let her know that I had.  It went like this:

"Dear Charlotte.  I've never met you, but thanks for letting me know my bush has offended you.  Sorry about that.  So I've had my bush Manscaped.  I hope you like my bush now more than before.  Be sure to stop by and see my bush anytime you'd like."

(BTW, I got a letter of apology from my HOA Board's president.)

Here's hoping I won't get anymore threatening notes from my HOA.  But if I do, I think I know how to handle them.  

You might want to do the same...