I'd just like to let everyone know right now that I tried to nail a little girl on a bail of hay in the back of a feed store quite a number of years ago, and I've kept it to myself for far too long.
I was six, she was five.
We lived in the little town of Bosworth, Missouri, population 325.
"It" didn't work, and so I was unable to consummate the arrangement. In fact, I remember not even knowing what the "arrangement" was.
As such, I hereby finally confess to all that this is the reason I've never run for public office. Oh, I've been asked. Lordie, I've been asked. Jimbo, tell 'em, I've been asked. But I never said yes. And now you know why.
I knew the truth would come out. I mean, if they're going back 36 years to high school for Brett Kavanaugh, what's next? Middle school? Grade school? The feed store? I mean, is this "Justice delayed = Justice denied?
So, being proactive, I've finally fessed up. I apologize to family and friends. I'll try to do better in the future. I may even go to rehab. Look at Robert Downey, Jr! Worked for him, didn't it?
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