Perhaps you Could be of Help...

(This letter was posted today.  Let's see if they print it...)

September 13, 2018

San Francisco Chronicle
ATTN:  Editor
San Francisco, CA 94102

Dear Sir/Madam/Other;

I'm an aged Republican doing my best to become a Progressive.  That's because I live in deep-blue California, and I know I won't get any of the goodies from living here unless I add a "Z" to my last name, or select a different political party with which to hang my hat.  I'm choosing the latter.

And I'm also a football fan!  So I also try to meld my newfangled need to balance social justice and community awareness and diversity and racial harmony and saving the planet and all that stuff with the realities of Modern Day America.  And that reality would include the San Francisco 49'ers...

I am additionally a voracious consumer of the news.  I suck it up daily like a Hoover vacuum cleaner, and still I've yet to find out the racial and ethnic and religious makeup of this team.  Now I know that almost all of the Team is Black.  But I'm willing to overlook that because most NFL players theses days are as well.  But are the 49ers trying to institute any diversity policies to try and add in some Asians?  Some Indigenous People?  Maybe an Eskimo or two?

And what percentage of the 49ers are gay?  Or transgender?  Or Muslim?  What percentage are socialists?  Or Communists?  Or all-out Marxists?  How many (if any) didn't donate to Planned Parenthood and Hillary?  Do any of them have Bernie stickers on the back bumpers of their stretch Hummers?  Are any of them members of the Sierra Club?  Or vegans?  How many are of mixed race, especially those highly-desirable, double-minority kind.  Unlike Kaepernick.  They had to let him go.  He was half White...  

Do you know the answers to these questions?  I don't.  We budding Progressives need to know this stuff.  And try as I might, I cannot find out.

And I know that the Good Citizens and non-citizens (not that there's anything wrong with that!) of San Francisco would not attend local football games there if the Team were guilty of any racial, social, ethnic, religious, sexual, humanitarian or ecological bias or sin of any kind.  Except Conservatism, of course.  So, just like the citizens of Pyongyang are pleased to see those long range ballistic missiles tootling down Revolution Boulevard,  I'm sure even they would appreciate knowing just how this all-too-visible representative of their Progressive Wonderfulness serves to publicize their carefully-crafted and honed ideologies.

And I'm absolutely certain if they're willing to step over or around piles of used hypodermic needles and human excrement to avoid offending their homeless "residents" (oxymoron?), I'm sure they'd likewise avoid supporting a team that didn't demonstrate acceptable social norms and values.

Do you know the answers?  If so, please get back to me so I can change my voter registration in time...

Yours for better governance,

Sincerely,

The Chuckmeister
Somewhere Holed Up in So. California