Boucoup $Bucks...

I love football.

Have my entire life.  As a matter of fact, I occupied seat 54-03 at Super Bowl III.  The Kansas City Chiefs destroyed the Minnesota Vikings 26 to 10.  Lenny Dawson completed 16 in a row for a then NFL record.  Oh yeah, my seat, on the 54 yard line, cost me a whopping $55.00.

But I was a' wonderin' today whether we're fans of our favorite football teams, or of the players that play for them.  Or the town.  Like, it's hard to be a Rams fan and then move to Jacksonville, and not root for the Jaguars.  

Nomsayin?

Yes, fellow Patriots, I was a fan of the Chiefs during the decades between winning spells.  Still rooted for them.  Because they're from K.C.  And I was born in K.C.  So there.

But wait!  The Chiefs were formed in Dallas, Texas.  By the Hunt Brothers.  They also owned almost all the silver in America at one time.  But Dallas must have pis*ed them off 'cause they moved the Team to Kansas City.  And changed its name from the Dallas Texans to the K.C. Chiefs.  

That left a vacancy in Dallas, which the NFL quickly filled with the Football Cowboys.  In exchange for boucoup $bucks from Jerry Jones.  And the rest is history.  

But some of our teams' history isn't quite so simple.  Remember the Raiders?  They were put together in Oakland, California more than 50 years ago.  Its owner, Al Davis, moved the Team to Lost Angeles before it was "Lost."  Because it agreed to give him boucoup $bucks.  And then, Oakland wooed him back with more boucoup $bucks.  And then, Lost Angeles wooed him back with even more boucoup $bucks.  They should have bought a chunk of U-Haul, fergodssake!  They now play in Las Vegas, because they not only built them a new stadium, they gave the Davis family many more boucoup $Bucks.

(BTW, you can insert "Boucoup $Bucks" as the grease that oils up the skids in movements between towns from now on.  We'll call it "BB.")

Remember those Rams?  Oh yeah, Georgia Frontiere, a really good, ummm, dancer, married the Rams' owner.  And then some say she drowned the old dufus in the surf.  And then she moved the Team to St. Louis, giving L.A. the finger as she left.  For, well, $76 Million of those BB's.

How about the Baltimore Ravens?  Art Modell, the owner of the Cleveland Browns, decided that he didn't like the weather in Cleveland anymore.  So he loaded up the entire Team, under cover of darkness, and moved it to Baltimore.  Why?  Because Baltimore gave it many BB's.  Hey Cleveland!  Screw you!

Houston Oilers?  Owners moved the Team to Nashville, Tennessee as the Titans.  And then Houston got an expansion team from the NFL, now named the "Texans," and lots of BB's to salve their wounds...

The Arizona Cardinals?  Do you recall when it used to be the St. Louis Cardinals?  For more than 50 years?  The owner of the Cards took some of that BB and moved to  Phoenix.  Leaving an opening for L.A. to move to St. Louis.  St. Louis got screwed, which is how they got the Rams.  

Are you getting dizzy yet?

If you're getting the inference here that towns don't own teams,* but that money-grubbing owners do, you're picking up what I'm laying down...

Remember the San Diego Chargers?  Yeah, well their owner tried to float a new stadium bond issue.  The townies in S.D. voted "No."  So in a fit of pique, and in exchange for a bunch of BB's, he moved the Team to L.A.  Leaving San Diego without a team for the first time in decades.  

Oh yeah, the Portsmouth, OH Spartans moved to Detroit and became the Lions way back when.

The New England Patriots moved to Foxborough from Boston.

The Baltimore Colts moved to Indianapolis, opening up a spot for the Browns to move to Baltimore.  Really.

There are others, but I'm taking pity on you.  So just remember, when you're cheering for the "Pumpkin Center Fuschias," you're really cheering for the player.  The one who passed to the other player, and that other player who caught it.  

And remember, each of those players is a $Millionaire.  That's starting wage.  They have to suffer for awhile to prove they're star quality.  They they start to rake in the BB's.  And each of those players has an agent, who takes a cut.  And a publicist, who's job it is to make his player famous.  And the guy who takes care of his houses, and his cars. And his lawyer, who gets him out of paternity suits.  And his wife.  And his girlfriend.  

So each of these folks acts as a team of, by, and for the player.  Who moves from team to team over his professional career.  And takes his entourage with him.  Including his wife and girlfriends.  If he's really good he'll make $50 or $100 million over his career, and struggle to keep any of it once he retires.  

Remember I said we cheer for the guy who threw the pass and the guy who caught it?  Enjoy the moment, because the odds are, neither of them will be a member of the "Fuschias" next year...

Sorry if I burst any bubbles.  Just watch football as the spectacle it is.  It's 1,800 professional athletes sacrificing their bodies for 32 teams, in exchange for oodles of BB's.  And for team owners who are raking in BB's.  While shown on TV networks, earning major-league BB's.  

Oh yeah, the Kansas City Chiefs at 6 - 0, is our only undefeated team...

*    With exception of the Green Bay Packers, which is owned by more than 400,000 individual share holders.  Besides a good chunk of Green Bay's 250,000 residents, its share holders are also spread all over Illinois, Michigan and Minnesota.