The "Cuisinart Effect."

I was perusing Tesla's online sales brochure yesterday.  You know you can only buy these critters direct, doncha?  As in, no dealerships.  The only car dealer to not have...dealers.  How'd he get away with that?  Anyway, one of its options is eye-popping.  Lemme' 'splain...

Every car ad you see on the Telly is for a plug-in electric (PIE).  Not an auto-regenerating hybrid, mind you.  And not even a regular old gas-operated vehicle.  Old hat, those.  But they have an average of 33,123 parts on board.  PIE's?  1,327.  That oughta tell you all you need to know about their hoped-for profit.

And your Gubmint is taking your tax dollars and forcing your neighbor to help you buy one.  As much as $7,500.  For whatever reason.  As yet to be determined.  Whether your neighbor has one or not.  Did you know that?  

And so far, about 6.8% of our population has responded by buying or leasing one or these new-fangled devices.  Except in Taxifornia, where 16.9% of our residents acquired a new PIE vehicle.  We're always ahead of the pack here when it comes to dumb sh*t.

Remember the Pet Rock?

But what blows this tired old soldier away is that some of these PIE purchasers are tikking the self-driving option.  In Tesla's case, that's... 

                            $15,000 Extra!

You read that right.  You pays $90,000 or $100,000 for a 2,000 pound battery and four wheels, and then you gets to pay them another $15k for somebody else to drive it?  From some sattelite somewhere?  When we read every day about these spontaneous combustion machines running over little girls on tricycles?

When I was a kid we would have walked over broken glass to get to drive.  Driving meant freedom!  It meant getting out from under the control of mommy and daddy.  It meant being able to turn left versus right.  Go to town or out in the country.  Or go to that special parking spot with little Suzie on Friday night.  We would have stomped warm puppies to death to get to drive our cars!  We would have kissed our sisters to drive our cars!  On the lips!  

Whatever the Hell has happened to America?

I just read a poll that reported fully 30% of our police are "uncomfortable" being photographed, even though under Federal court case "Turner v. Driver" its our Constitiutional right to film them.  Why?  Are they doing something we should know about?  Or are they just improperly trained?

I wonder what percentage of our soldiers in foxholes during WW2 would have been uncomfortable being filmed?  SInce they were the ones who by their victory reaffirmed that Constitutional Right.

Have we turned into a bunch of pus*ies?  Limp-wristed twits scared of our own shadows?  I recall a time in my (whatsa') yout when a few of us parked a truck under a shade tree on afternoon, then pulled and replaced the motor that same day.  Today?  I just noticed a tag under my hood.  It read:  "Don't drink the battery acid."  I doubt half our yout could change a tire.  Or want to.  

I don't know for sure, but I sense a silver lining in all of this.  The auto industry trade journals report that PIE's are stacking up on dealer lots.  They are waaaay behind on anticipated sales.  As in, LOTS of them on dealer lots!  We know that GM and Ford and Toyota have invested $Billions in their battery technology, and need to sell cars to recoup.  Ford has stated they anticipate losing more than $4.5 Billion this year on their PIE program.    

              Those cars aren't selling.  

Example:  Hyundai's killer success the Ionic5 came on the market last September.  They were immediately priced at $Thousands above their window price.  But here's something that might prove interesting.  An Ionic5, with a window price of $51,945, is being advertised for sale this weekend by thier Corona dealer at $41,050.  $11,000 under window!  Holy price dump, Batman!

Didja' know that PIE cars take 41% longer to charge when the temp outside is below 20 and above 100 degrees fahrenheit?  Deep into this year's heat wave, PIE owners are finding this out.  That may be one reason why sales are cratering... 

I sense we may be entering a period called the "Cuisinart Effect."  If you're unfamiliar, Cuisinart was an overnight "must have" back in the 80's.  They were the original food processors, pimped by a succession of famous chefs.  They were a multi-year smash.  People were standing in line to buy them.  

Until the day they weren't.  

Sales stopped dead, virtually overnight.  Screeeeching halt!  And the Harvard Business Review, after a bunch of research, came up with this conclusion as to why: 

             Everybody who wanted one...

                had already bought one.

I think it just might work out that way for our PIE's.  If you live within a short drive of the movie studios, or Pier 39, or the Space Needle, or the Empire State Building, or the White House, a case might be made for a PIE car.  Especially as a second, back-up to your ICE car.  But if you live between the Appalachian Mountains and the Sierra Nevada, they make little sense whatsoever.  Even at half the price.

Even when your neighbor is helping you pay for it.

Might be a good time to short the car stocks, buy an ICE car while the "Big Guy" and his gaggle of socialist friends still permits it, load up your .30-.30 and hole up in your mountain cabin until things get back to normal.

       If they ever get back to normal...