And The Winner Is!

By now everyone's given thanks for everything for which they're thankful.  Including the wheel, air, Band-Aids and pecan pie.  Especially pecan pie.

I have as well, to include my lovely daughters, their delightful children, and their sufferable husbands.  

But in addition, now that Turkey Day is over, I'd like to express my thanks for an item almost never singled out for thankfulness.  And I'm about to right that wrong, right here, right now, today.  Ready?

      ...The TV Remote Control!

Yes, fellow Patriots, no one asked me to dig deep to discover our Most Important Invention.  But as a Patriot, and knowing that my Gubmint is busy ushering in our newest voting bloc, those Illegal Aliens streaming across our Southern Border, the millions and millions of them, and micro-managing the War in Gaza, and desperately trying to convince us all that "Bidenomics" is good for us, I decided to volunteer.

America needs more volunteers, right?

So I looked at all different categories of inventions, to include the airplane (they fall out of the sky and kill people!), and guns (little items spurt out of their pointy ends and blood flows!), and even cars (4,000 lb. missiles driven by snot-nosed, pimply-faced teenagers, street racing all thither and yon and running down little girls on tricycles!), but there was one clear winner:  

                      The TV Remote Control.  

Nobody doesn't like the Remote Control!

Ahhhh, the freedom!  The new sense of ease that confronts one as one operates the leg lift on one's Barcalounger and prepares to view a rerun of "All in the Family" is just beyond belief.  And trust me, I know, because I was my Father's TV remote control-er for many years in my yout (what's a yout?).  So I welcome their arrival upon the scene with gusto.  

And vigah!  

Say you're an Amazon delivery guy/gal/it and you've been delivering packages to folks all day.  When you come on home, take your shoes off and put up your feet, the very last thing you want to do is get up and change the channel!  Especially when those insufferable "My Pillow" commercials come on!  Or maybe an ad for any of the 150 drugs to fix medical conditions you don't have!

Annnnnd, did you know that most Remotes have a "fast forward" feature?  That'll permit it to jump ahead 30 seconds?  And did you know that football plays in the NFL must happen every 30 seconds?  And that 2 games are often on simultaneously?  So you can watch two games at the same time by using the "FF" feature and jumping back and forth?  Sort of like speed football?  Back and forth, zip zap!  Did you know that?  No?  Well, that's why you have The Chuckmeister!

Yes, fellow Patriots, I love exclafrigginmation points!

So I say we knight the inventor of Remote Controls.  Knight, hell, let's make him/her/it into a Saint!  Saint Remote!   

There.  I've opined.  And my spleen is once again devoid of bile.  

Have a feet-up, channel changing-free day...