The Chuckmeister's 2015 Predictions (Your Wait is Over!)

Each year about this time I put figurative pen to paper and puke forth my annual predictions.  But you know that.  You've been following my little blog for years now, and feverishly awaiting the publication of the current list. And this year's is a doosey.  Or is it "dusey?"  Or perhaps "duzie?"  

Anyhoo, sit back, pour yourself a nice glass of juicy Merlot, chilled to a perfect 59 and one-half degrees, and delight in the inherent goodness that will now unfold in rapturous beauty before your very eyes...

1.  House Speaker John Boehner's suntan bed will break, his orangish tan will disappear and he won't be able to get into the Capitol Building without I.D. He'll be able to vote, of course, but not get into the Capitol building. How awful.

2.  You know that most recent Supreme Court rulings end in a five-four vote, with the conservative majority barely holding sway.  Barry getting his fanny metaphorically kicked over non-recess, recess appointments to the National Labor Relations Board, that paragon of thugish and slavish union ass-licking, are but one 5-4 example.  The Golfer-in-Chief has been urging Ruth Bader Ginsburg to resign her seat and go home so he could appoint another lefty weenie to the court before his interminable term of office mercifully ends.  She just won't do it.  I think she likes the attention.  So, I predict her body will be found floating face down in the Tidal Basin this spring. The story will be she went for a swim and had a cramp in her 123 year-old leg, dooming her to the existential dirt nap.

3.  Seven more Malaysian Airlines jets will go missing. And, shortly thereafter, a new airline in Malaysia will appear.  It's so much easier to start an airline when you don't have to buy the planes. Oh, and the passengers, having all been hiipmooootized, will emerge as cabin attendants and ground crew. Talk about a successful startup business plan!  Shark Tank take notice!

4.  Everybody in California will move to Nevada, Utah, Arizona, Texas and New Mexico, except sign twirlers and Starbucks baristas.  And, the 11 Million illegal aliens who are thick in and around Lost Angeles, of course. Oh, and those commies in Sacramento who wouldn't want to leave their cushy jobs trying their very best to live our lives for us.

5.  Al Gore will host another of his interminable anti-Global Warming (Climate change?  Climate disruption?  Climate chaos?) gatherings, featuring numerous Hollyweird celebricrats, and discover that the reason he's so warm is because he's been wearing an Irish cable knit sweater all these years. He will then ceremoniously doff the sweater and become the newest cheerleader for coal mining and oil fracking.

6.  Scott Walker, famed Governor of Wisconsin, the home of unionization, who has almost single-handedly crushed the unions in the state where they first began, will announce for President of the United States.  The thugs who run the AFL-CIO, SEIU, IBEW and the NEA will respond by performing hara-kiri on the steps of the Milwaukee Statehouse.  Oh, and one must recall that The Chuckmeister (me!) predicted as far back as 2013, in the pages of this diminutive but worthwhile blog, that Walker would do exactly that.  And, dear reader, that he would also win the nomination, and eventually the White House.  At which time, I must offer up, we will once again have a True American Patriot as President.  Which I confirm by so saying that we haven't had one of those guys for six years now. 

7.  Since we know that less than 3% of the public is gluten-intolerant, but that about half the public specifies gluten-free when ordering, I predict that some smart entrepreneur will come out with "extra gluten" products later this year.  After all, what happens to all that gluten when it's left out of stuff the dummies buy?

8.  I predict that shouty chef Gordon Ramsey will soon have his own TV network.  He will appear every minute of every hour, every day, pontificating on each and every aspect of food preparation at the top of his expansive lungs.  Vacationer-in-Chief B. Hussein Obama will become jealous that someone besides him has such massive media exposure and declare war on "extremist food preparers."

9.  B. Hussein Obama will accidentally say "Islamic" and "terrorism" in the same sentence while doing another of his endless, droning, boring, off-putting, gut-wrenching, puke-encouraging, gag-me-with-a-spoon, daily...and sometimes hourly...speeches. Upon the realization that he's uttered such an inflammatory statement, he'll get down on his knees and bow repeatedly to Mecca.  He'll not be forgiven, and a "fatwa" will be uttered on his life by some Imam somewhere.  Thereafter, our TelePrompTer-in-Chief will order the spokesweenies who report to him to refer to "The War on Islamic Jihadist Terror" as "An effort to find and criminally prosecute those individuals who inflame the conscience of loyal Muslims everywhere by committing crimes and blaming it on the Religion of Peace they have unfortunately hi-jacked."  White House journos will throw up in their mouths when they hear this tortured B.S.

10.  Having grown weary of Islamic terrorism without any offsetting effort from the rest of the world to counteract it, a bunch of Baptists in the south will get together and form an army.  They, along with a few Methodists, some Presbyterians and a couple of members of the Church of Christ will then rampage the entire Middle East, slashing and burning like nothing seen since the Crusades.  The Islamonazis will give up and return home, promising to forever spend their remaining days as rug merchants and camel herders.

11.  Having grown tired of seeing incessant, 24 hours-per-day, "Smokey the Bear" commercials on cable TV, some miscreant will track down Smokey and put a bullet in his tired old butt.  The killer will then go out and start a forest fire just to make himself feel better.  It will later be found that the murdering scoundrel was a member of PETA until they stiffed him for some work he performed throwing paint on starlets at movie premiers.

12.  By late 2015 MSNBC will have lost so many viewers that they will be forced to change the name. To Faux Nooooze.  As it will turn out, the folks who watch their "network," and I use that term loosely, won't notice.

13.  I predict that Texas will become weary of propping up the American economy with jobs and taxes they will secede from the union.  That will, according to our Vacationer-in-Chief, leave only 56 states.

14.  I predict that some school principle somewhere will advocate for the students to bring cans of corn and peas to their school.  What for?  To hurl at would-be active shooters in the event one of them decides to whip out a weapon and violate that "gun free zone" thingie.  Oh wait!  A principle in Alabama just did exactly that.  Yes, my friends, truth is waaaaaay stranger than fiction.  I'd better hurry up and publish this blog posting before all of it comes to pass already.

15.  And finally, the dimbulbs responsible for putting those "Gun Free Zone" signs at the entrance of every school in America will strike again.  They will post the very same sign on I-40 and I-10 at the California border.  The Lefties believe sincerely that if there were just more laws...or more signs...then criminals wouldn't disobey them.  With 20,000 anti-gun laws on the books already, surely just a few more is all that's needed.  Anyone thinking of bringing a gun into our once-Golden State after these signs go up will think better of the idea and leave it at home.  

And so, my friends, and you are my friends, I close out this annual exercise in futility.  I trust you'll enjoy a happy, healthy and fruitful 2015.  And if not, then at least two out of the three...

Some Stuff you Probably Didn't Know About Bill DeBlasio...

By now, even if you live in a dumpster behind the local 7/11, you know that a dimwit named Bill DeBlasio is the Mayor of New York City.

Yes, my friends, DeBlasio managed to somehow get elected Mayor in 2013 with 73% of the vote, despite the fact that he's a commie pinko dumbass liberal redistributionist weenie.  Perhaps the fact that very few voted, and those that did probably voted six or seven times, and they were most likely welfare recipients, had something major to do with it.

And, since ascending to the office, he's managed to also offend and make enemies of the New York City Police Department. In fact, they accuse him of creating the environment into which the execution-style murders of two recently slain officers was drawn.  This guy's a real dufus.  Don't believe me? Here's some stuff you may not know about Bill DeBlasio.  Prepare yourselves, kiddies.  This is really awful stuff:

-  Bill DeBlasio was born (we assume he was born, although it's quite possible he was hatched) Warren Wilhelm, Jr.  For reasons known only to him, he first changed his name to the hyphenated Warren de Blasio-Wilhelm, adding his mother's maiden name. In 2002 he dropped the "Warren" and the "Wilhelm," and changed his name for a second time to what it is currently, "Bill DeBlasio."  I would have thought "Fidel Castro" would have been a better choice, but that's just me.

-  Billy was a big-time supporter of the Marxist Sandinista government in Nicaragua in the 1980's, a government that was backed by the communist Soviet Union and the good ol' Cubans. In fact, he visited there often, offering up his sweat and support to help them win their battle over democracy.  

-  While the Cold War was still white hot, and while Billy was still a student at New York University, the Soviets helped our boy Bill take a tour of their garden paradise back in 1983.

-  Billy received his master's degree in International and Public Affairs at Columbia University.  This is proof that you don't have to be smart to become educated.  This, by the way, is the same institution of higher learning as attended by our erstwhile President, one Mr. B. Hussein Obama.  Or he didn't, depending upon whether you believe his press clippings.  But we'll never know for sure, because our Fourth Estate, the Mainstream Media, has planted its collective heels and loudly declined to investigate our Barry.   

-  Bill ran the campaign for reelection of one Representative Charlie Rangel in 1994.  You remember Charlie.  He's the guy that's managed to be a member of Congress since, oh, I don't know, the Crimean War.  Despite being a tax cheat, and profiting by renting out his NYC rent-controlled apartment to his campaign, and writing off his Jamaican condo in contradiction with IRS laws, he also managed not to pay for parking his car in the House garage for more than 20 years.

-  Bill decided to get married in 1994. He chose a black lesbian activist, of course, one Ms. Chirlane McCray.  The newlyweds illegally honeymooned in Castro's Communist Cuba.  Hmmm.

-  Both of Billy's parents were certified, proud communists.  That resulted in Ron Radosh, a leading historian at the time, to describe DeBlasio as a true, "red diaper baby." 

So now we have the largest and arguably best city on Earth, and previously one of the safest (thank you, Rudy Giuliani), in the clutches of a commie campaign manager who ran on the major issue of taking his police department down a notch by ending the practice of "stop and frisk," which resulted in turning Times Square from a prostitute's parlor into the Disney theater district.  That'll ought to work well, don't you think?

Please Don't Feed the "Zombies."

It's now 2015 and time to post another of my little essays to the benefit of my tens of avid followers.  Yes, my friends, it's time for me, the Chuckmeister, your faithful servant, to once again opine on one of the myriad topics upon which I'm considered an expert.  And they are many.  And the coming End Of The World is just such a topic. So, with apologies in advance to the one or two of you out there in the Digital Universe who may, for some reason or other, disagree with my conclusions, here goes:  

Have you ever wondered exactly what will happen when this whole mess implodes? You know, when the Chinese and the Japanese and the English stop buying our once-great Country's debt and the food stamps stop flowing and the welfare checks stop magically appearing in inner-city mailboxes nationwide?  

Or, perish the thought, when we stop buying our own debt (a little known fact:  we print money 24/7 to buy back our own bonds, and then place them lovingly in a file cabinet in an office building in Silver Springs, Maryland, only to be removed and dusted off when we once again refinance that debt by printing ever more money, buying new bonds to replace the old ones, and once again filing them away).  

Until just recently, that printing and buying and refinancing flurry has been to the tune of $85,000,000,000 a month!

I wonder the same thing.  I wonder what will happen when our $18 Trillion national debt balloons to an ever larger, and finally unmanageable pile of IOUs.  It's estimated that we, you and me, will owe in excess of Twenty One Trillion Dollars by the time our semi-retired, Vacationer-in-Chief packs up and departs the White House.  If, in fact, He ever does (there are those who opine that He ((capital "H" satirically intended)) will declare martial law and cancel the elections, thus rendering Himself Emperor-for-Life, or maybe Kim Jung-Obama).  By then we will owe an amount approximately equal to our Gross National Product.  And that will put us in really bad company.  We will be in the same sorry state as Greece, and that's not a good state in which to be.

No doubt you've read that the Chinese have just surpassed the U.S. in terms of the world's largest economy.  We haven't been second on this list since Harding was President.  Pretty soon Greece may leave us in the taillights as well.

By then our interest payments on the debt will be over $500 Billion a year.  And that's a number quite large enough to cover the total cost of our military.  Five Hundred Billion Dollars a Year!  And likely as not, receipts to the Treasury will start to go down precipitously as our indebtedness goes up.  And when the Fed stops trying to print its way out of trouble, and allows the interest rates to ramp up, our interest payments on the national debt will balloon!  That, my friends, is what a degree in economics helps me foretell.  If the Feds can no longer "prime the pump" with stimulus borrowings, or printings, or, as they call it, "quantitative easings," the productivity of America will go down.  And our ability to repay our debt will suffer.  

By the way, don't you love how the Feds can come up with such innocuous terms as "quantitative easing" for something so awful and nasty as printing $85,000,000,000 (that's Billion with a "B") a month?  Me too.

And the result?  Food stamps will no longer magically appear in the mailboxes of recipients all over the Nation.  And welfare checks will stop.  And Aid to Families With Dependent Children would cease.  And Obamaphones will stop ringing.  And all the Federal assistance that the "poor" count on would stop dead in its tracks.  No more money to them, my friends.  They might even have to sell one of their flat screen TVs to get by.  

Need an example?  Remember when Hurricane Katrina hit? Four out of five New Orleans residents had already beat feet and boogied from the Crescent City to Houston or Dallas or other points north by the time the torrential rains started.  The same rains that had been predicted ad nauseum by the TV weathermen on every channel for a week.  The only ones left were the welfare recipients who had to wait just a couple of more days for their checks to appear in the mail.  We're talking 20% of the Big Easy's total population here.  They couldn't afford to leave. And many of them died as a result.

So what, dear friends, do you think those similarly affected in the modern day will do?

The "Zombies" will be upon us.  Zombies?  For those of you who haven't had the good fortune to sit at the feet of the Chuckmeister and hear him (me!) pontificate on all things political, Zombies are the term I use for the mostly brain-dead loser-takers that sit around drinking Colt .45 and watching Jerry Springer reruns all day while awaiting the arrival of their beloved welfare check.  Zombies is an all-inclusive term for the near-human flotsam that offers nothing to society, but takes so much from those of us who actually produce.  We're the makers, they're the takers.  And I think there's a good chance they're about to start taking, big-time.  

I think they, the Zombies, will rampage.  I think they'll hit the streets with pitchforks and torches looking for the "stuff" they've been getting for free from those who have it...you and me.  Think of it: Third, fourth, even fifth-generation welfare recipients cut off, cold turkey, from the booze, the hot dogs, the crack, the cigarettes, the blow, the weed, the lobsters, and well, the turkeys they're counting on keep their inner-city bodies and souls together.  And they'll come looking for it from the folks who have the most of it and are the least able to protect it.  

Why?  The lefty commie weenies in the Gummint have made it ever harder for you to realize and act on your 2nd Amendment rights.  Or to even understand that you can - and should - do so.  And thus, you're less prepared to protect yourself and your family when you, and they, need it most.

Example?  Try to buy a gun in Chicago.  The Democrats who have run the city for decades, decades (more than sixty years, to be exact), have made it nearly impossible for their citizenry to go out and buy a gun with which to protect themselves.  Example: In order to be granted a license to buy a firearm there, one must undergo 18 hours of formal training at a professional gun range.  The problem?  There are no gun ranges in Chicago.  That's why there are about 50 shootings every weekend there, and an average of 8 deaths. Upwards of 400 a year, in fact.  And all those who don't possess guns can do is duck and cover. 

D. C. is no different.  And Philly.  And Baltimore.  And Los Angeles.  Want a gun to protect yourself and those you love? It's a good idea to live in Texas, or Florida, or Oklahoma, or Arizona, or Idaho, or any one of 37 other states that feature elected leaders who can actually read and understand what the 27 little words in our 2nd Amendment to the Bill of Rights says.  You know, especially the part where it says, "...the right to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed." 

Want to buy a gun in Texas?  Here's what you do.  You go to your local gun store and...buy a gun.  Or two, or six, or twenty.  

Want to buy a gun here in the People's Republic of Taxifornia?  You go to you local gun store.  You take a test designed to determine whether you're actually safe enough, in the opinion of those of our elected leaders who more than likely have never even touched a gun, to own a gun.  You pay the guy behind the counter $25 for the privilege of answering those 25 questions. You then pick out your gun. But only one.  You may not purchase more than one gun per month in our state.  Why?  Because "they" don't want you to. 

Next, you pay a $25 fee for the NICS-system background check.  (NOTE:  All of you who have been told you should loudly clamor and lobby your Congressweenies for "Universal Background Checks," be aware we already have them. We've had them for decades.  Didn't know that?  The lefties have been blowing smoke up your you-know-what.)

Okay, to continue, you now pay for the gun.  You then get to go home and wait 10 days before you can go back to the store and pick it up.  This "waiting period" is the Nanny State's effort to protect a mythical someone from you in case you want to buy the gun to kill them.  I guess they figure you'll be over your presumed insane mad spell in ten days (why not twelve, or fourteen?).  But what, I ask, are you to do if the Zombies are coming for your "stuff" and they just won't agree to wait ten days?  Yeah, what?

That's why, my friends, I'm advocating that you immediately begin hoarding two things in anticipation of the cataclysmic happenings just around the corner; canned goods and ammunition.  Oh yeah, first go out right now and buy all the guns you can get your hands on, which you'll need to shoot the ammo at the grungy folks who will be marauding your neighborhood and trying their best to Bogart your stuff.  

And remember, the cops won't be there to protect you when you need them the most. If you'll go back to Katrina-time videos on YouTube, you'll discover that it was the cops who were doing most of the robbing and stealing and ripping off merchants during Katrina.  They actually cleaned out all the inventory from a New Orleans Cadillac dealer's lot.  Every single car.  More than 50 of them.  And that old saying once again holds sway: "When seconds count, the police are only minutes away."  In the case of Katrina, certain cops managed to be several hundred miles away in their brand-new Cadillacs.

Is it guaranteed to be this way?  No, it isn't.  It just might be that America comes to embrace uber-Progressive politics, learns to love Obamacare, begins to embrace hyper-intrusive nanny state laws, and winds up enjoying not having a job and being a parasite on their fellow citizens.  Oh, and the Gummint figures out how to keep on printing their way to economic Valhalla.  

Or not!  In any event, my friends, you've been warned...

The Latest, but Surely not the Last, Assault on Your Freedom...

Dr. Vivek Murthy was just anointed as our Country's newest Surgeon General.

Never heard of Vivek Murthy?  

Well, my friends, and you are my friends, let me acquaint you with one of the most, if not the very most, political appointments in U.S. history. Allow me please to outline for you what makes good ol' Vivek, an American Indian (he's American because he was born in America, and Indian, as in the "red dot" kind), unique:

First, Dr. Murthy was not confirmed by the U.S. Senate.  He was, rather, anointed.  That's because Dr. Murthy's nomination was not required to surpass the Senate's long-standing 60 vote threshold for so-called "cloture." Since the founding of our Country, achieving that vote total has been necessary to shut off debate (and filibusters) and permit nominations to be immediately voted upon.  

But in Murthy's case, due to Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid's decision a few years back to blow up the rules of that venerable old House of Congress, using what was then called the "nuclear option," which had theretofore only been threatened, only a simple majority of 51 votes needed to be cast in order to pass a motion.  Or, in this case, a nomination.  
By the way, that simple majority is what enabled "Obamacare" to pass on Christmas Eve of 2009.  Yes, my friends, with newly-elected Massachusetts Senator Scott Brown on a plane winging his way to D.C. to take over Teddy "The Driver" Kennedy's seat, given that ol' Ted had just had his ticket punched, Brown would then have been the deciding vote against Obamacare.  Reid, being the dour anti-Constitutionalist that he is, chose to invoke the nuclear option using a little-known rule called "Reconciliation" and wipe his ass on 229 years of Senate history. 

Reconciliation, by the way, can by law only be used for budgetary and financial measures that originate in the House of Representatives.  So, yes, it was unconstitutional. 

Again.   

And, by the way, Dr. Murthy garnered only 51 votes, with three Democrats voting against him.  51 votes. The bare minimum, even with the "nuclear option" having been enacted.  We're talking a dearth of support here, folks. Maybe that's why the Obama Administration chose not to put Murthy up for a vote when the new Republican-led Congress convenes in January.

Second, Dr. Murthy, 36 years of age, only, is indeed a physician.  Yet, to begin with, he's one of the few American physicians who's never practiced medicine. Ever.  No, he's an academician.  A Harvard professor. He teaches. 

Remember the old saying, "Those who can, do, and those who can't, teach?"

In Dr. Murthy's case, one has to wonder just how much he really knows about the practice of medicine because he's never chosen to practice it. But what he has chosen to do is to openly display his political beliefs; just two years out of his residency he founded "Doctors for Obama."  

He was such a huge fan of our now semi-retired, Vacationer-in-Chief that he managed to raise hundreds of thousands of dollars from fellow left-wing physicians to help re-elect Barry Obama in 2012.  Barry was happy he did, and obviously decided not to forget the favor.  And so, now he now he returns it.  

Third, Dr. Murthy is not a big fan of guns.  In fact, he believes that guns are, as he says, a "public health issue."  He believes that the 2nd Amendment needs to be erased from the Bill of Rights and that guns need to be taken from Americans, by force if necessary.  He further believes that there should be a limit on the amount of ammunition Americans are permitted to buy.  And, he favors the implementation of "Universal Background Checks," that heinous new first step in what the National Rifle Association, the National Shooting Sports Foundation, gun activists everywhere - and I - believe is part of a nefarious plan by left-wingers to eventually outlaw guns altogether.  

Don't believe it?  Look back on history and learn that such a government effort to determine who has what gun led to them being outlawed in China, in Cuba, in North Korea, in Canada, in England, in Burma, in Vietnam, and in 1936 Fascist Nazi Germany, to name just a few.

And for those out there in Internet Land who aren't hunters or gun aficionados, you need to know that virtually every gun purchased from every gun store or at gun shows must first undergo a Federal background check before the transfer may be completed.  But those purchase records are destroyed after a few days, by law, making them unavailable to those wishing to establish a database. And that, for gun-grabbers, is the problem.  In short, we don't need no stinkin' Universal Background Checks.

Murthy intends to use his new post as Surgeon General to shine a bright light on the issue of gun control, and, in concert with the likes of the Brady Campaign and ex-New York Mayor Little Mikey Bloomberg, the 17th richest dude in America, to finally realize his dream of ripping guns from our "cold, dead hands."  

Oh yeah, he's promised he won't use his new post to try and ban guns. Sure.  I seem to recall that Barry's two Supreme Court nominees, Sonja Sotamayor and Elana Kagen, also stated that the 2nd Amendment was, as they both said, "settled law," and that neither would use their brand-new SCOTUS positions to try and change it.  

Right.

The very first time each of them had the chance to act upon that promise they voted against gun rights (Heller v. D.C. and McDonald v. City of Chicago). They lied.  But, so did one Mr. Barry Obama, who famously stated in his interview with John Lott, author of "More guns, less crime," when he was still a lecturer at the University of Chicago, "I don't think people should be able to own guns."  Nice.  If you need proof, go to YouTube and check it out for yourself.  

Oh, by the way, our outgoing Surgeon General sent a letter to every Senator begging them not to confirm Murthy because, as she said, "He's not qualified for the job."

So, my fellow Americans, and about 11 Million illegal aliens who, if Obama gets his wish, soon will be, we now have a Surgeon General who knows little or nothing about the practice of medicine, who just loves Barry Obama, who demonstrates disdain for the Bill of Rights, who attained his new post on a strict party-line vote, who was confirmed only because of an unconstitutional and outrageous change in Senate rules, who is deemed unqualified by nearly everyone, including his predecessor, and who wants to take your guns away. 

Any reader of this little posting who happened to vote for Mr. Obama should, after being slapped in the face with astonishing bits of information such as this, want to reconsider that decision...

Proud Cripples of America!

Some of you may know that I, the Chuckmeister, am a cripple.

Yes, my friends, it's true.  I can no longer run as fast or jump as high as I used to. Actually, I can't run or jump at all.  I just kind of shuffle along with the aid of a cane.    

But who really wants to run and jump anyway?  Certainly not me.  I'm just fine sitting in my Barcalounger with remote in hand, ready to watch some Magnum, P.I. reruns on my 70" Samsung big screen, replete with 5.1 Dolby sound and a magnificent sub-woofer the size of a washing machine.

Have you met my cane?  I usually introduce him as, "Hello. This is John, my Cane." Get it?  John, my Cane?  I thought you would.  Or, perhaps "Herman,"  the other "Cain."  Or, I might say, "I'm Abel because of this Cain."  I crack me up. Maybe you too.

Anyhoo, me and John manage to get around pretty good in spite of three rather gory back surgeries and a complete fusion.  That would be from coccyx to mid-thoracic, my friends.  My doctor calls my fusion, "a**hole to appetite."  My doctor has a rather macabre sense of humor.  

At least I have a doctor.  With the advent of Obamacare it's the rare person who can actually say he or she has an actual doctor.  And it will get worse.  Much worse.  But hey, that's another story which I've covered ad nauseum and shall no doubt cover again.

Back to my back.  Yes, I'm a cripple.  I hurt all of the time, but in varying degrees.  With the proper amount of pain killers and Cabernet Sauvignon in copious quantities, I can manage it.  The cause?  Disc disease probably caused by the million or so games of pool I played during ten years as a touring pro. Bending over a hot pool table for 8 or 10 hours a day, day after day, after day, is likely responsible.  But hey, whatcha' gonna' do?  That was then, this is now.  

So I function quite well considering my rather advanced age and my surgical history. But I'm just one of millions of seniors who are, for whatever reason, laid up or on disability or made lame.  And I think it's time we all get together and use the clout that would come with millions of souls all joining forces.  And I'm just the cripple who could supply the glue.

Do you have bad knees?  Degenerative disc disease? Neuropathy?  Scoliosis? Sciatica?  The heartbreak of psoriasis?  Hemorrhoids?  Gum disease?  Alopecia? Whatever your malady, just think of what we could accomplish if we got together and started using the power of our numbers.  So here's the plan:

We start...

Proud Cripples of America!  

This to-be formed 501(c)(3) corporation will serve to represent the interests of everyone out there in what used to be America who are laid up and in need of a voice.  Of course, it might be that Lois Lerner, or whoever replaced her now that she's sucking down Cuba Libres on her enormous retirement package, will simply put our application in their lower right hand desk drawer for a few years and punish us for having some conservative leanings. 

And trust me, we have some conservative leanings.

Whatever.  We'll ultimately be able to shine our light and force the Gummint to consider our unique needs.  So, please send along $5.00, cash please (we don't need no stinkin' paper trail), as your annual membership fee so I can begin to order up some bumper stickers and refrigerator magnets and business cards and flyers for distribution at the local Wal-Mart.  

And who knows, we might be able to offer up some special travel bargains, or investment options, or car insurance discounts, or two-for-one restaurant coupons. Any way to make (or save) a buck, right?

Speaking of Wal-Mart, have you noticed that most everyone who shops there is a cripple?  That's the place to launch our new effort.  

Actually, I applied for a position as a Greeter at Wal-Mart and they said, "Get out.  We don't want your kind around here." When you can't even get a min-wage job at your local Wal-Mart, you know you're an outcast.  So I just volunteer at the local wineries, greeting visitors and advising them to join the wine club.  I usually say, "Welcome, thirsty travelers!"  Hey, maybe I could also invite them to join "PCA."  They could prove to be a target-rich environment as well.

So, let me know if you're on board with PCA.  Send along some bucks if you want to join, or at least write your thoughts in response.  We're on to something here, my friends.  We can't let this opportunity pass us by.  Just think, America is creating thousands of new cripples every day.  That's because it's the "practice" of medicine, don't you know. They, the doctors, never actually get it right, but they keep on practicing.

Think of it this way.  Guns in the hands of those with ill-intent, or those desirous of offing themselves, kill 35,000 people on average every year.  Doctors, on the other hand, kill somewhere around 800,000 every year due to malpractice or mis-diagnosis. Work with me here.  I would surmise there's an unending supply of cripples to fuel our little venture.

So, I wait to here from you.  Don't fail me.  $5 bucks is all it costs.  About the same as an overpriced cup of coffee at Starbucks.  Let's get started now!

"Communities of Color"

I don't know about you, but I'm growing increasingly tired of hearing political leaders, almost always, no, always, from the Democrat Party, speaking about "communities of color."

You know and I know they're talking about Black people.  And maybe occasionally, Brown people.  But mostly Black people.  But we all know for sure they're never, ever talking about White people.

I'd like to know why?  Black people are black.  Brown people are brown.  Yellow people are kind of yellowish in color.  And Red people are sort-of-a-reddish hue. But there are NOOOO White people. 

Well, except for albinos, of course.

But there are Beige People!

And Beige is a color!

We're not white, we're beige!  And I want to start a movement among the tens of people who follow the Chuckmeister's every word, to stop people - even the commie pinko weenie Democrats - from referring to "communities of color."

Where are these "communities of color" exactly?  Are they in Watts?  Or at the corner of Florence and Normandy?  Are they in or around Atlanta?  Or what used to be Detroit before it was trashed beyond recognition by Black people?  Or just outside the Beltway in D.C.?  Maybe on the South Side of Chicago, where Barry "The Community Organizer," in his only "real" job, ever, signed up people to vote Democrat and get Foods Stamps?

Perhaps they're wherever the "Mike Browns" choose to live.  Or where their "parent" chooses to live.

Or, maybe Mr. Obama is referring to our Country's many and varied prisons where most of the "guests" are "of color?"  

No, my dear friends, "communities of color" are wherever the commie pinko weenies declare them to be.  And you can bet that wherever they are, there are votes to be garnered there if the Community Organizer-in-Chief and his race-baiting, poverty pimp hustlers like Jessuh Jackson and the Least Reverend Alfonso Sharpton, can rally them up to feel put upon, disenfranchised, used, abused and mistreated by Whitey.  

And that's why those in these "communities" vote as a bloc, at the rate of about 90%+, for the Democrats.  Despite the best efforts us right-thinking folks, who do our best to educate and elucidate this demographic to reality, they are owned and controlled by the Lefties who need, nay demand, their votes in order to win elections and stay in power.

Unemployment has increased by over one-third in the "communities of color" since Obama was elected. And yet, they vote for him and other Blacks without a second thought.  High school graduation rates among Blacks in the larger cities are struggling to top 50%. And yet, they vote as a bloc for Dems.  Sad.  

And gunfire in these "communities of color" ring out like clockwork every weekend, despite the fact that guns are usually outlawed therein.  Doubt me?  Look at Chicago.  Guns have been virtually unobtainable for decades there, yet Blacks are killing Blacks every weekend, using guns that "don't exist," and Whites have no choice but to duck and cover.  Please try to defend that, if you're in the commie pinko dumbass liberal weenie camp.

As for me, I won't be satisfied until there's a National Association for the Advancement of Beige People. And a Beige Entertainment Network.  And perhaps a Congressional Beige Caucus.  How about you?

So, my friends, and you are my friends, I take issue with this whole "communities of color" meme.  As a voting, tax-paying, law-abiding, Army vet, Eagle Scout, proud citizen, I demand that those whom we elect stop pandering to what they think are the lesser of us.  And until the "lesser" of us stop falling for the pandering crap, I believe they deserve the nastiness that's being shoveled their way. 

And, as Dinesh D'Souza, famous author, educator, film maker and "man of color," just opined, a proud man of color himself, I wonder how long it will take for the citizens of these "communities of color," once they actually realize that they've been systematically hosed by the Lefties, for decades, to start saying they don't deserve all the blame; after all, they may say, Mr. Obama is half white...

"To my fellow Americans...and those of you who soon will be."

Most of you hopefully know that our President, Brock O'Bama, delivered a speech live on Univision last night.  He picked Univision, rather than ABC, CBS, NBC and MSPMS because he really didn't want the "pay-no-attention-until-it-hurts-my-wallet" voters to know much about it.  

What few know, however, is that Mr. O'Bama had two speeches readied for this fateful announcement. And I, the Chuckmeister, having special "inside" sources that few others enjoy, which have guaranteed me that this is true, have managed to obtain a copy of it.  

One, the "wimpy" speech, is the one he chose to give.  He wimped out, just as he did with his famous "red line" warning to Syria.  And his unilateral removal of rockets from Ukraine.  And his half-hearted "war" against ISIS/ISIL/Islamic State or whatever they choose to call it.  He's pretty wimpy, this guy.

But the other speech, the one he really wanted to give, I'm told, but didn't, is worth reviewing, because it shows what he really thinks and what he really feels.  And children, we shall review that speech forthwith:

                                   *  *  *  *  *

"To my fellow Americans...and those of you who soon will be."

"As you've no doubt heard, I come to you wonderful Latinos tonight to announce a sweeping overhaul of our proud nation's broken immigration system.  I say "Latinos," because the Alphabet Networks aren't covering this, and almost nobody else is paying attention, because they're watching football, or some other waste of time TV show, and the Lap Dog Media will keep this whole thing pretty much under wraps, except for that goddam Fox News, and I'm on just before the Latin Grammys kick off, and it's Mexican Revolution Day, so the voters won't really know what happened here tonight.  Except for you and me, that is.  'Heh, heh."

"Yes, I've said on multiple occasions that I have no authority to make the changes I shall announce here tonight.  Yes, they're unconstitutional.  But hey, I don't have to run for reelection again, and while I still have some degree of power before my "Lame Duck" status really kicks in, and because I don't really care if what I do is illegal, I asked myself, "Why not go big?" After all, the feckless Republicans can't do much about it without risking the media coming after them, which would alienate the low-information voters, and the Democrat Party, which I've almost single-handedly destroyed, needs some serious help, so really, my friends, what do I have to lose?  So, going BIG is what I'm hereby going to do."

"Rather than simply "nationalizing" 4 or 5 million of your brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, grandfathers and grandmothers, and your little nephews with all those "MS-13" tattoos on their foreheads by simply choosing not to deport them, I'm going the "Full Monte."  As of tonight, I'm granting full amnesty to everybody in Africa, in Asia, in Europe, in South America and even in the Antarctic. Everybody."  

"You may now break into America without fear that those troublesome border patrol guys will try and ruin your travel experience.  And God knows, we wouldn't want to do that.  After all, you either are, or soon will be Undocumented Democrats, so treating you really, really well so you know how to properly vote ("wink-wink") is high on my list of priorities."

"So after tonight, you'll be able to get a real Social Security Number, not the one you've been illegally using, a Green Card, a drivers' license, Obamacare, welfare, some help with the old apartment rent thing and a free Rosetta Stone program so you can learn English should you really want to.  But you won't actually have to, because before long, once the border surge occurs, most of your neighbors will be speaking Spanish anyway.  As a matter of fact, part of this Executive Order is that all phones in America will now be required to announce, "Press 2 for English.' "  

"But part of this whole deal is that you will be absolutely required to go straight to Texas, or Oklahoma, or Kansas, or Arizona, or Utah, or Idaho, because hey, those states have plenty of room, and they're, ahem, RED, and we need to turn them purple, at the very least, and preferably a very bright BLUE.  I personally recommend Texas, because that Perry guy isn't one of my favorite people, and Governor Jan Brewer in Arizona could use some more residents sporting your particular skin color, if you know what I mean, just in case you're interested."

"We want you here.  We love you.  And thanks for mowing our lawns, wet-nursing our kids and washing our cars all these years.  We hope to start repaying you...the Democrat Party does, that is, starting tonight."

"So, in closing, I'm making tacos the Official Food at the White House.  Margaritas will now be decreed the Official Drink of the United States, and all you Latinos will get an extra five points on your civil service exams when you apply for work at the Post Office. But work, of course, will remain optional."

"Thank you for voting for me and my Democrat friends and helping to elect me in previous elections, and God Bless Estados Unidos!"

                                  *  *  *  *  *

That's the speech that El Jefe really wanted to deliver, I'm led to believe, but didn't.  The wimp.  But now you know what he preferred you to know. Perhaps he'll man-up and someday do his Tele-PrompTer thing and read the real speech to you himself.  

But until then, the Chuckmeister will keep you up to date on all the comings and goings as it relates to immigration reform here in what used to be America. 

After all, if I don't tell you, who will?