An Entertaining Little Scam

So I got a call from my credit card company the other day.  

Or, at least they said they were my credit card company.  They said my card number had been stolen and used in a series of crimes.  A whole lot of crimes.  A record number of crimes, as it turned out.

I was invited to call this particular number I was given to find out more.  Having had my card number stolen 4 times in the past 3 years (one guy ordered $187 worth of wings at Wing Stop!), and knowing just what a mess fixing it was, I had no reason to doubt the text at this time.  So I made the call...

The call was answered by a nice fellow who told me my card was used to rent a car in Texas.  Had I been in Texas recently?  No, I said.  And that the car had been used in a drug smuggling scheme involving 10 kilos of cocaine.  And they'd found the motel room the criminal had rented.  $100,000 in cash in a brown paper bag was found there. 

That certainly wasn't my motel room, BTW.  If I'd had $100,000 in cash, I was thinking, I'd have been driving a new Porsche.  This was getting interesting.

He said I was implicated in the crime and a warrant had been issued for my arrest.  But before they sent the Feds to scoop me up, he wanted to pass me off to the U. S. Marshal's office.  Did I mention this guy spoke with a Hispanic accent?  So he put in a call to the Marshal's service while I was on hold.  For less than a minute.

David Spencer answered the phone.  That's what he said his name was.  A U. S. Marshal, he said.  Spoken with a Hispanic accent, BTW.  He reiterated all that had been told to me before, plus the fact that human trafficking was involved.  In the car I'd rented.  Or had been rented in my name and wtih my credit card, he said.  It seems several illegal aliens were found in the trunk.  He asked me to hold on while he called in the Social Security Department (?).  A woman then answered the phone.  She said her name was Judith Smith.  Spoken with a Hispanic accent.

Hmmmm...  

She said my card had been used to open accounts at 10 different banks.  Not 2 not 5, a total of 10, she said!  She rattled off the names of the banks, which are every major bank you're familiar with.  And a couple I'd never heard of before.  I'm guessing you wouldn't have either.  

I asked if they had my card number.  She dodged the question by stating they had my phone number and name (As if that was enough to open an account.)  She continued.  She said that the Federal Government was set to put a hold on my bank accounts and then seize my money within the next 48 hours.  And then arrest me.  Was I guilty, she asked?  I told her no, I hadn't been to Texas in years, and, in fact, hadn't been anywhere in years.  I'm so lame I don't pick up anything off the floor smaller than a $20 bill, I told her.  She didn't laugh.  

I didn't think it was funny, either.

So she then asked where my local police station was.  I told her.  And the phone number?  I gave it to her.  Within seconds my phone rang.  The police were calling.  I answered.  It was my local police calling, a nice officer.  With a Hispanic accent, I might mention.

Funny how these permanent visitors from Down South get around, right?

So back to David Spencer, the "marshal."  He said my only chance to protect some of my money from being seized by the Feds for MONTHS was to go to my local Walgreens and buy 4 Apple gift cards (!).  In the amount of $500 each.  Why, I asked?  So that I'd have some money to spend after the Feds had seized my money.  Because they were going to freeze my account.  As if that was a good answer.  

I asked why Apple gift cards?  Rather than simply using my debit card and taking out the cash?  He got pissed at me for asking.  Like he'd never been asked that question before.  He said only Apple gift cards would do.  He'd done this before, he said, and knew the system that would work for me.  And to help catch the "perp."  So don't ask anymore dumb questions.  Funny how that sounds with a Hispanic accent.

He said that Social Security would turn the Apple cards into cash as a part of catching the criminals involved in this crime.  I kept listening.  There was nothing else on TV at this time and I was short on entertainment.  This was more entertainment than I'd had in months, I thought to myself.

I knew that the Social Security Department would never call.  Only respond when you call it.  Presumably the 4 Hispanics calling me didn't know I knew this.  The guy said I should get in my car and drive to Walgreens and buy those cards.  Right now.  That he'd stay with me on the phone, advising me as it occurred.  And that if they wouldn't sell me 4 cards at $500, I should buy 3 cards instead.  Or two.  I then cracked my knuckles, cleared my throat, and asked why they wouldn't sell me the 4 cards.  He said it had happened in the past and some wouldn't play nice with the Government.  They were "antiamerican," he said.  

He had this all figured out, I thought.  

I didn't wait for the next obvious stage of this scam, which would be for me to wait for 4 Hispanics in a low rider with 14" gold wheels to stop by and pick up the Apple cards.  Leaving a receipt, no doubt, which Social Security would turn into cash in a day or two. Or 5.  Or never.

I asked the "Marshal" if the cards were good for cash, or only Apple gifts.  He said I shouldn't ask such questions, as the Social Security lady would get mad at me.  I asked the guy if the warrant on me was Federal.  He said it was.  I asked him the name of the Federal judge who signed it.  There was this long silence.  Painfully long.  And then he said his partner had it, so it wasn't available.  

I then let the guy know that I wanted no part of Apple, as I had no Apple procucts in my life.  No Apple phones, no Apple watches, no Apple music.  I told him I'd been scared by an apple pie when I was very young and I'd prefer to simply get cash.  He then hung up on me.

Click!!!

I tried to call him back, to escoriate him for being so rude, but the phone number, from Georgia, was no good.  Not only not answered, the phone compnay said it was not a real number.  What a surprise!

What a well coordinated attempted scam!  Four people, one at a time, each with a good story, and all sounding important.  And in a hurry.  We had to act now, they said, so as to capture the mean, nasty folks who were using my identity and possibly causing me to get arrested and my miniscule money seized.  My only suggestion for this scam to work better would be to include somebody speaking with other than a Hispanic accent.  Polish, maybe.  Or German.  Otherwise, the whole thing was well produced.  

How many aged folks out of 100 would have fallen for this?  Like 80, perhaps?  $2,000 worth of Apple products, each to be sold at the swap meet this weekend at a really low price.  Turned into cash.  Maybe they could run this scam 4 or 5 times a day.  Profitable.  Easy to do.  For 4 people sitting at home and eating bon bons while making B.S. calls.  And low enough in amount so as to not cause too much suspicion on the part of older folks.  All trying to help their Gubmint.  And save themselves from being arrested.  And their retirement account seized.

And many of them could even have some Apple products.  

I reported this to the cops immediately.  And was especially interested in how they managed to ghost the police phone number in the chain of folks wno called.  The lady investigator who called me said they've figured out how to use the cops' phone number as if they're calling me.  They couldn't do anything, she said, which I'd already surmised, but thanked me for the info.

I happened to be at the local Walgreens later that week.  I spoke with the manager, told him about my call, and asked if they see this scam unfolding at their store.  The guy said they won't sell Apple cards to the elderly in any amount larger than $250.00, and only one of them.  To help prevent just such a scam being run.  They even require the purchasers to sign a waiver agreeing not to sue.  He sees this scam several times a week, he said.  

Tell your parents.  Tell your aunts and uncles.  Anyone who's up there in age, (or even the very young) and who just might be open to such a scam.  These people are good.  And they know how to make it all sound reasonable.  You have to be mentally together to avoid being a target for this.  I wasn't a good target.  Like I told the lady cop, I've been to two county fairs, a state fair and a goat roaping contest.  I've seen it all, I told her.  I was born at night, but not last night.  But if I wasn't informed, I could have been scammed, too.  Others might be.  

There's a lot of Bad Guys out there.  Pass it along...