The Protestant Reformation.

For most of the last 1,700 years, there have been only 3 primary religions.  Catholicism, Judaism and Islam. 

And then Protestantism became a thing.

Protestantism had yet to be born until 1519.  Until that fateful day when an (in)famous monk name Martin Luther hammered home a list of 95 bitches he had with the Catholic church.  He put them high up on the big wooden door of his Wittenburg, Germany monestary.  Apparently he'd got up on the wrong side of his wooden bed that morning and decided to send out an early type of email.  Without thinking it over a couple of times before actually pushing "publish."

He was explicit.  I mean, 95?  That's a lot of stuff to be mad about when you're a monk, doncha' think?  I'd think it would be more like 5.  Or maybe 15.  But 95?  And it pissed off the Pope.  Badly.  And Popes don't like folks who show their asses in public.  

So the Pope quickly excommunicated him.  Threw him right out of both the monastery and the faith.  Kicked him to the curb, he did.  And off he went into obscurity.  He then got married, had 6 kids and went to work in a supermarket.  I was kidding about supermaket thing.  But all the rest is gospel.  Ahem... 

And thus began the "Protestant Reformation."

But from that day on, "protests" aimed at the Catholic church created a surprising number of different churches.  Different "denominations," as they are called, that had at their foundation a complaint with the way Catholics do things.  And, believe it or not, those complaints have grown to almost 400 different denominations of Protestantism here in America.  From Pentacostalism on the far left, to Mormonism on the far right.  With all the Lutherans and Baptists and Methodists preaching the gospel in the middle.  

Did you know that French king Louis XIV petitioned the Pope to annul his marriage to Catherine of Aragon, 'cause she couldn't produce him a male heir?  I'd think he had some fault in that also, but that's just me.  The Pope declined to do so.  So Louis started his own religion back in the 1400's.  The ultimate, "Take that!"  Identical to Catholicism except you could divorce your spouse at will.  He called it the "Church of England."  Catchy, doncha' think?

And if you think that's a silly reason to start your own church, picture this: the only major difference between the Baptists and the Methodists these days is that one of them celebrates communion once a month, and the other does so every Sunday.  And the Baptists say they don't drink as much.     

Did you know some members of the Church of Christ talk in tounges and kiss snakes?  I thought the Tower of Babel cured all that.  And did you read that one of their leaders got bitten and died recently?  I guess God does not protect those who don't protect themselves.

The Calvinists abstain from both alcohol and the use of foul language.  Making their lives a living Hell.  They better make sure they're marrying the right spouse, 'cause they can't get drunk and yell at them.  And some, like the Amish, eschew all modern inventions, like razor blades and automobiles.  They favor horses and buggies to cars.  No burnouts or donuts for them.  400 denominations.  And they all believe that Jesus is their savior.  I wonder if He'd be pleased with all those choices?  Somehow I doubt it...

Did you know what the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormonism) is based upon?   One Joseph Smith, a young lad in Upstate New York back in the 1,800's, was stopped in his tracks by the Angel Moroni, who showed up unannounced one winter evening.  The Angel ordered Joseph to dig in his cow pasture.  He did so and found golden tablets, they tell us, upon which was written the Book of Mormon.  Which they say is an addition to the New Testament.  The Book is still around but the tablets have conveniently disappeared.

BTW, Mormonsim tells us the Garden of Eden was located just outside of Independence, Missouri.  Well, my friends, I come from that part of the Country and I can tell you that my God is too smart to put the Garden there.  Where you can freeze to death during one third of the year.  And broil during another third.  Anywhere but there, in fact.

That's why I'm FROM there.  As in, waaay FROM. 

My mom had two sisters.  Aunt Isabel and Aunt Laverne.  One was a member of the Southern Church of Christ, a particularly strict denomination, and the other a member of the Northern Church of Christ.  Same denomination, different factions.  I recall them having a heated argument one day in our living room.  Isabel told Laverne toward the end of the spat, "One of us is going to Hell!"  Laverne shot back, "You're right!"  That's just how divided these demominations can be. 

Check out your bible.  Matthew 6: 5-6 states that, "Lo, you are in church if you're on your knee, in your closet, praying to God."  I rather like that.  And then later, Genesis 16-18 speaks of Jesus' baptism by Peter.  Jesus looked at Peter and said, "Upon this rock I shall build my church."  I think he meant that Peter was his rock, not the ground upon which they both stood at the time.  (The Catholic church agrees with me, BTW.)  

But His wishes have not been honored.  We have churches on every street corner.  Not as many as Starbucks has coffee shops, but close.  Built with the tithes of their followers over many centuries.  I've had the opportunity to tour all the great cathedrals of Europe, including the famous Notre Dame de Paris.  Before the fire.  Very impressive.  And expensive to build.  And paid for by peon parishioners over a thousand years.    

Jesus was totally against all the myriad ostentatious vestiges of Judaism, including the tax collectors at the Temple.  Flowing robes and all that.  He wanted more simple, humble trappings to express his followers' religious fervor.  But that's not what He got.  He got what the ego of legions of spiritual leaders conjured up.  It seems that anyone can start a church in a strip mall.  And then move on to a megachurch with tens of thousands of followers over time.  Usually the guy running it will be a dude with flowing hair, remanufactured teeth, a big expensive car, custom fitted suits, a deep baritone voice and a private jet.  

I just threw up in my mouth.  Excuse me.

And even Catholicism has its variants.  Some of its more conservative examples still conduct their services in Latin.  Like Mel Gibson prefers.  Imagine having to learn a foreign language in order to express your faith.  And some feature priests in jeans with a back-up band.  I think they think they've been left behind.  And they're catching up rapidly.

I have a 10 year perfect attendance pin from the Sunday school back in my home town.  And that was in the "First Christian Church."  I wonder if, like banks, there's a  "Second Christian Church" somewhere?  Anyway, people may now pick their protestant church like ordering from a Chinese restaurant menu.  One from column "A," and two from column "B..."  

From what I see there's a growing interest in religion in America.  I think some feel our society is falling apart.  Which it truly seems to be.  So folks are starting to attend church in huge numbers, especially after the assassination of Charlie Kirk.  They think they need it.  I think everybody needs it.  Religion, that is.  And I believe that there's a strong reason for them to attend.  That's because our young folks are stuck at home with their noses in their laptops instead of practicing their pickup lines, going out and meeting future spouses.  And producing big families.  Even bars are better than hanging around in your mom's spare bedroom.

I'm just at odds with formally attending church for the rest of us who've got our lives ironed out.  I don't need it.  I've read the Bible twice.  I know what it says.  I don't need an interpreter.  I do my study at home, at my leisure.  Reading my Bible at a time convenient to me.  I don't need to dress up and impress anyone.  Plus, like many others, I'm not as mobile as I used to be.  So getting to and from presents an unneeded challenge.  No need to be seen to be religious.  That's what Jesus advocated.   

And that's good enough for me.