I Now Pronounce You...Divorced!

Campaigner-in-Chief Barack Hussein Obama is at it again. He's such an ideologue that he just can't get away from his deep-seated, almost religious fervor to tax the "rich" into the Stone Age. Maybe that's because his mom was a devout communist, his dad a proud socialist and his step-dad a dedicated, militant Marxist. In any event, after nearly 3 years of his White House-sponsored class warfare, during which he has beaten the tax increase drum unrelentingly, he's just announced Stimulus 2 (or is it 3 or 4, or 8 or 9? I've lost count.).

After blowing nearly a trillion bucks of our money on a failed stimulus program in 2009, which created somewhere around ZERO jobs, he's asking Congress for another $447,000,000,000.00 (that's billion, with a "B"). He wants to create some jobs, knowing that if he doesn't, his own job is toast next November. And where is this money to come from? Our President, who's never managed anything except the Federal Government, if you can call that "managing," tells us $421 Billion of the total will come from a tax increase on, and the eradication of tax deductions utilized by, those nasty, evil "rich" people among us. "Rich," according to the Redistributor-in-Chief, are those individuals who make $200k or more per year as individuals, or couples making $250k combined.

Now, anyone with any sense at all knows that this level of income does not make one rich. Not even close. Especially in cities like New York or L.A. or most other large U.S. population centers. That's your average married fireperson and nurseperson. And anyone with any sense knows that more than half of the folks making this level of income own and operate small businesses, which are responsible for the creation of way more than 70% of all American jobs. And Obama has stated repeatedly that the very last thing you want to do in a recession is increase taxes on the folks who create jobs (!). And because most of these small business types file their taxes as individuals under Subchapter S of the IRS code, their wages are taxed as ordinary income just like the fireperson and nurseperson. They don't get the benefits of myriad deductions, even on money they may plow back into their businesses. So money picked from their pockets by the Feds is money not available to them to hire with, or expand their business with, or even pay their bills with. So Barry's America's Jobs Bill, if passed, will obviously result in fewer jobs, not more. But he either doesn't know this (unlikely), or doesn't care (quite probably), or is doing it on purpose so as to screw things up (almost certainly). Clearly, the Golfer-in-Chief won't stop until he's gotten his wish and hiked taxes unmercifully on those "miwwionaires and biwwionaires." You know, the ones making $200k/$250k a year.

And now we have Warren Buffett, America's second richest man and the Oracle of Omaha, joining forces with the TelePrompTer-in-Chief to convince the American People that the "rich" are under taxed. He's fond of saying that his secretary pays a higher percentage of taxes than does he. He's right. He pays 17.4% and she pays 30%. He wants his taxes raised so that he and his secretary are both hosed equally. What good ol' Warren fails to mention (an oversight, no doubt), is that his income is realized almost entirely from capital gains on investments, not from ordinary income like his secretary. And he fails to mention that the income he used to make those investments, which are now producing capital gains, was already taxed once as ordinary income, back when he first earned it. So Warren wants you to throw in with the Vacationer-in-Chief on the idea that taxing us twice and at the same rate is quite alright…once when we first earn our paycheck, and again when the pittance that's left over after we've paid our bills is invested at a risk in something that might possibly produce a return. It's called, I understand, the "Buffett Rule." Excuse me Warren, but isn't that double taxation? Do you think that's fair? And if you do, might I suggest you utilize the line provided at the bottom of your IRS Form 1040 which permits you to pay more than your tax liability would ordinarily be if the spirit moves you to do so. That might help you get over some of that Democrat guilt you're experiencing from making so damn much money.

So I, the Chuckmeister, a graduate economist, entrepreneur, humorist, gadfly, food and wine connoisseur, noted business consultant and blogger extraordinaire have a solution. I recommend all the successful married Americans who might get caught up in this commie, pinko, lefty, dumbass, progressive weenie trap proceed directly to their local shyster, bottom-feeding lawyers and file for divorce. Then, you and your significant other can earn up to $400 Grand together without getting reamed by the Speechifier-in-Chief's National Wealth Distribution Whether You Like It Or Not plan. Of course, unless America turns him out next November, he'll come back after us again and again like a rabid hamster until he's managed to trade the fruits of the labor of the productive to those who are less than in exchange for their ill-considered votes. But for the short term we can all put a "we dodged that bullet" smirk on our faces while shooting him the collective bird.

No need to thank me. That's why God put me on this Earth…

National Underachievers Day

Folks, in less than two months another anniversary will be upon us. And although we haven't up until now, it's one we as a nation should all be celebrating. Please allow me to elucidate…

As everyone unfortunately knows, the elections' over and Barack Hussein Obama won. Congratulations Mr. Obama on your historic accomplishment. In recognition, I'd like to propose that November 4^th, the date you were elected, be forever proclaimed "National Underachievers' Day." No more must those who have heretofore failed to excel be relegated to the scrap heap of mediocrity. You have a new champion! Mr. Obama, with the possible exception of Millard Fillmore, is almost certainly the least qualified candidate for President in the history of our beloved Union. He boasts no private sector employment or record of success. He has no management experience of any kind, not even so much as a running the corner 7/11. He never met a payroll. He never signed a check on its face. He never hired or fired or held executive-level authority. While serving as an Illinois State Senator and during the 143 days (only!) he served as a U.S. Senator before deciding he was worthy of becoming a candidate for POTUS, he sponsored absolutely no major legislation. In fact, most of the time he voted "present" in order to avoid taking a controversial position on legislation. And, although he is Commander in Chief, he never served in our military.

So now, all Americans who could have, and should have, but didn't, work unceasingly to gather the experience necessary to be considered qualified for the Most Important Job in the World, are hereby vindicated. If you share our new President's qualifications, or rather the lack of same, you're just as qualified as is he. You should hold your collective unqualified heads high! In fact, it's not too late for you to launch your exploratory campaign for POTUS - 2012. With Obama's breakthrough, we could have any one of 50 million or so underachievers running for President next time. All they'll need is $1 Billion or so in donations from questionable sources like the unions, a "D" behind their names, a media that chooses not to ask any questions, difficult or otherwise, and the White House could well be theirs. Is America a great place, or what?

Micromanaging Outrage

Critics of the Government's heavy-handed efforts to try and micromanage each and every aspect of our lives, including this author, are always on the lookout for ever more egregious examples of this attempt to try and sway those not as yet convinced. Well folks, I've finally found an example that will bring around to my way of thinking all but the most liberal, brain-dead, commie pinko weenies among us. And here it is…

I read the other day that the Obama Administration had produced 75 new major rules and regulations governing all or certain aspects of the way business in America is permitted to do business. And that those new rules and regs add a total of $38 Billion in additional compliance fees to the cost of doing business, for an increase of more than 138% in the past two and one-half years. Think of that. 75 major changes in just a tad over 900 days, or a new one every two weeks.

Doubt it? Remember no more drilling in the Gulf? Or in Alaska? Or off the coasts? The EPA decided that carbon dioxide is such a threat that it has mandated dozens of changes in environmental laws. Corn has doubled in price since more than one-half of all production now winds up in motorists' gas tanks. And new fuel mileage requirements of 56.5 mpg, although impossible to accomplish, are now on track for the very near future. It's now okay to be an illegal alien facing prosecution and deportation. They are now home-free with the new executive order signed by BHO just recently. No prosecution. No deportation. And even better (or worse, depending upon your political persuasion), state and Federal grants are now available to help pay for their education. And Barry's National Labor Relations Board just sued Boeing to prevent it from manufacturing the new 787 passenger jets in South Carolina. Keep making them in Washington State, the NLRB dictated, no doubt to keep its union thug backers happy. Think of that. The Government is dictating where an American business can do business. These are just a few examples. Sadly, there are many more.

The Dems couldn't get any of this stuff through Congress. But Obama decided he didn't need no stinkin' Congress. He just went around them and unconstitutionally declared these changes by fiat. Rules changes in health care and banking and farming and energy and the environment and food labeling and cancer avoidance and so on and so on and so on are now imposed on us all by a Government which knows no bounds. But even in the face of all this, I wouldn't have believed what Barry and the Chicago Boys conjured up. And I bet you'll have difficulty in believing it as well.

The Obama Administration is actually now setting new workplace regulations to assist foreign workers who fill goat herding positions in the U.S., including employee-paid cell phones and comfy beds. The Labor Department issued these new special procedures last week which must be followed by anyone who employees foreign workers to herd sheep or goats. It describes strict rules for sleeping quarters, lighting, food storage, bathing, laundry, cooking and new rules for the counters upon which food is to be prepared. It even describes in-depth what shall constitute an acceptable sleeping unit, including the comfort of the bed and the mattress. Try this, a direct quote from the new regs: "Wall surfaces next to all food preparation and cooking areas shall be of nonabsorbent, easy-to-clean material. Wall surfaces next to cooking areas shall be of fire-resistant material," the regulations say. Those who have doubted we are now firmly entrenched in a "nanny state" need to carefully consider the impact of edicts such as these. I wonder if those who currently operate herds of sheep and goats will decide that continuing to do so just isn't worth the trouble, or the additional cost.

When the Government tells you how and when and under what circumstances you can herd goats, is there anything in our lives they won't try to micromanage? Just remember this: The liberal elites just want to be left alone to live your lives. If that alarms you, keep it in mind next November. And if it doesn't, you should seek professional help. And soon...

NAALCP

W.E.T. You know what that is, right? That stands for the White Entertainment Network. Never heard of it? Well, you've heard of the Black Entertainment Network, haven't you? So why isn't there a White Entertainment Network to go along with it? I don't know either.

And why, I ask, isn't there a National Association of Lightly Colored People to co-exist peacefully alongside the NAACP? Or a Congressional White Caucus? Or a group called "The Race" for white folks so can they feel just as good about themselves as Latinos do with "La Raza?" Or the American Caucasian College Fund? In fact, why do organizations emphasizing or lauding race exist at all? Isn't that in itself racist?

Somehow or other we have evolved (some would say devolved) as a society in such a way that our differences are emphasized instead of our similarities and commonalities. And those who profit from it most are the same ones who propagate its continuance. Black people need preferences to get jobs or home and car loans or to get into colleges and universities. We know that's true because poverty pimps like Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton tell us so. All the way back to The Great Society programs conjured up by LBJ and his limousine liberal buddies of the era, we have pandered to the minorities so we could, in my opinion, assuage our collective white guilt over slavery. And in the process we've thrown trillions of dollars at problems such as hunger and ignorance and education and inner-city crime and high minority unemployment and teen pregnancy and multi-generational welfare recipients without any discernable improvement. Except, of course, an improvement in the pride lefties feel at having been able to (unsuccessfully) micromanage societal unfairness. One could make the case, I believe, that had we done nothing at all as regards attempting to correct racial inequalities we would be exactly where we are now, except we'd be a whole lot better off as a society financially.

Of course, the libs have ulterior motives behind their high-profile pandering. They want votes from those to whom they pander. And they get them. We were told the fact that Blacks voted to the tune of 97% for Barry Obama the last election was because of their "racial pride." But had a similar percentage of whites voted for McCain, wouldn't the leftwing media have labeled them as racist? Wouldn't they have been? Is your brain hurting yet?

And, by the way, why don't Asians get preferences on college entrance exams or loan applications or when they apply for jobs? After all, they're minorities too, aren't they? Maybe it's because they don't need them. They work and study hard and apply themselves and succeed without extra or undue assistance from any source. No Federal preferences are asked for and none given. In fact, one could argue they succeed in spite of being vilified by Blacks and Latinos who consider them unfair competition because they're so successful. And why, therefore, aren't Asians held up as role models by Blacks and Latinos? Why, indeed.

And lastly, pray tell where, exactly, is the "Black Community?" Black leaders and TV pundits routinely speak of this mythical neighborhood, and I'd like to know where it is. Is it near Watts? Or downtown Detroit? Harlem? Maybe somewhere in the South? And I'd also like to know if white people are permitted to live there. And if not, why not? By the way, have you ever heard of the "Asian Community?" I didn't think so.

So all you Blacks and Latinos out there, how does it feel to be treated like losers? How does it feel to be pandered to? How does it feel to be kept down by those of your race who can only succeed by making sure you continue to fail? Just think, if you were to somehow magically manage to pull yourselves up by the bootstraps and no longer need Jesse and Al to speak for you, what would they do for a living? And by the way, where exactly do I find The Reverend Jesse Jackson's church?

Did I mention that I'm proudly politically incorrect?

Obama TV

NOTE: To all Chuckophiles, the following is a reprint from an earlier posting, brought back by (1) popular demand, and (2) absolute necessity.

I noticed something very strange last Thursday afternoon and 4:40 p.m. I turned on the TV and guess what? No Obama! He was nowhere to be found. Not on CBS or NBC or ABC or CNN or Fox. Not even on MSNBC, the marketing, sales and public relations department for Obama & Company, and the primary publicity subsidiary of the Democratic National Committee. Since I'm used to awakening each day to the soothing and dulcet tones of Mr. Obama as I crank on the Telly, and then seeing him give speech after speech after speech all day long, his very absence that fateful day was shocking! I was wondering if he was sick. Or maybe he was in some high level meeting planning to take yet over another segment of our rapidly-dwindling democratic society, robbing us of yet another freedom. Or figuring out which military program to gut. Or which union to give even more millions of our tax dollars. Or flying to yet another campaign stop in Air Force One (by the way, hasn't he worn out that airplane yet? Isn't it time for a new one?).

Think back. Remember when you could turn on the TV and not see the President of the United States? No, really. I mean he was nowhere to be found. And although it seems like eons ago, it was in actuality only a few short months back. Ahh, those were the good ol' days.

Now he's everywhere. From early in the morning until deep into the evening, he'll be delivering his Major Policy Speech of the Day, followed by a Town Hall meeting somewhere, and on to reading from his trusty TelePrompTer at a unionized plant that he single-handedly rescued from failure with tons of our money, and on to an address to a group of sycophant libs who slavishly lap up every word cascading from his highly polished mouth, and then on to another fund-raiser to amass even more millions with which to bash the Republicans. Or he'll be chatting with Letterman just before heading off to his umpteenth round of golf, or leaving for his fortieth vacation since assuming office, or scolding us for some real or imagined transgression or other, letting know it's really our fault for all the problems he faces. Is it me or is it All Obama All The Time?

So it hit me. Instead of all the networks having to cover the Energizer Messiah's every move and record his every word, why not have the Government simply take some more of our diminishing money supply and start the Obama Channel? Kind of like a reality show (but far less interesting), the cameras could follow him everywhere all day long. This would leave the other networks finally able to provide uninterrupted programming, sell their ad space and grow profits. Profits that he could then tax to the max. Just tune your DirecTV to channel 666. Of course, he could simply take over NBC, which is so in the tank for Obama they're selling His memorabilia in their Manhattan gift shop. And in the unlikely event that you finally have your fill of him, you could simply tune to any other channel without fear of having your airwaves and your attention span high jacked by the most overexposed public figure of our time.

Just a suggestion…

Corporate Jets

Last week when our Redistributor-in-Chief gave his Major Policy Address of the Day, he mentioned six times that we had to do away with tax breaks for owners of corporate jets. Six times! He's spent us upside down more than One Thousand Six Hundred and Twenty Five Billion Dollars and he's worried about corporate jets? I got to thinking, what has this guy got against the folks who design corporate jets, and make them, and sell them, and service them, and work or around them, and maintain them and fly them. According to Federal statistics, the corporate aviation industry accounts for more than $150 Billion per year in gross revenues and equates to 100,000 American jobs. That's pretty serious territory, business-wise, so there must be something here I don't see that causes the Campaigner-in-Chief to want to hose them out of their goodies. Or is it just that good ol' Class Warfare so deeply ingrained in the Liberal Mindset. You know, in order to buy one of these expensive toys the purchaser MUST have stolen the money to do so from some poor person somewhere. Probably a Black farmer from Arkansas. Yeah, that's the ticket.

So I got to checking. Back in 2009 our Community Organizer-in-Chief came up with his Stimulus Package to right all the wrongs in America. $787 Billion it cost, but by the time the dust settled the actual price was nearly One Trillion Dollars! A piece of this little package was a series of tax breaks to get companies to make more corporate jets and advanced depreciation schedules to get more people to want to buy them. It's worth remembering that not one Republican in the House and only 3 RINO Republicans in the Senate voted for this bloated load of pork. So let's see now. Our Hopeychanger-in-Chief and his liberal weenies in both houses of Congress, which he controlled, dreamed up and passed tax breaks for corporate jet owners pretty much all by his lonesome, and is now railing against Republicans to try to browbeat them into eliminating them. Huh?

Consider if you will that the totality of the cost of the tax breaks in question equates to about $3 Billion Dollars a year. Contrasted against our current 2011 Federal budget shortfall of $1.65 Trillion, it would take more than 5,000 years to generate enough revenue from this piddling effort to equal our budget deficit for 2011 alone! Looking at it another way, screwing the corporate jet buyers would save a whopping 0.03% of this year's deficit. Can you say disingenuous? Do his liberal sycophants actually buy this load of crap? If they do, why do they? Are they truly that brain dead? Is anybody besides me paying attention to this stuff?

You're Just Too Damn Dumb

Let me start with the Bottom Line: You out there in the digital universe. Yes, you. You are too damn dumb to be permitted to make decisions for yourself. There. I said it. Yes, Mr./Mrs./Ms./Other America, the Commie Pinko Liberal Dumbass Weenies (CPLDW) believe to their very core that the American people cannot and should not be allowed to decide for themselves where, when, how and under what circumstances to live their own lives. You think I'm exaggerating? Please allow me to elaborate:

Although I'd dearly love to lay everything that's happening squarely at the feet of our newly-minted Redistributor-in-Chief, in truth, pols in both parties have colluded to erode our individual and collective civil and Constitutional rights for the past 70 years. But the efforts of the Democrats since they took charge of D.C. on January 20, 2007, under the direction of Speaker Nancy ("You have to pass the bill to find out what's in it") Pelosi and Majority Leader Harry ("This war is lost!") Reid, and more recently under the aegis of the New Chicago Administration and with the complicity of state governments such as the spectacularly lame and feckless one currently operating in Sacramento these days, our rights have been under an assault of unprecedented proportions (Whew! 86 words. Long sentence!). Let me count the ways:

Shelly Obama has decided that we eat too much and of the wrong things. According to her, we should cut back on the fats and calories and drop some Elll Beeezzz. Yes, she of supremely large, Kardashianesque derriere feels comfortable in telling us what to eat and what to feed our kids. But, she freely admits that she just cannot stop eating Freedom Fries. Weenie. Just do what you're told. You're too damn dumb to do any different.

Mikey Bloomberg, the billionaire ex-Republican, ex-intelligent Mayor of New York City, believes that you shouldn't eat salt. So, he simply banned it from New York's restaurants. Oh, and trans fats too. And let's not forget, despite the 2^nd Amendment guarantees, he really, really doesn't want you to have guns. So much so that he sent two plainclothes N. Y. detectives on the clock to a gun show in Phoenix to try and buy some weaponry without background checks. In Phoenix! Hello! Phoenix isn't in New York, Mikey! Can you say nosey? Yep, go straight from the 1^st to the 3^rd, says Mikey. Right. Without Bloomberg you'd no doubt be gobbling handfuls of salt and swilling gallons of trans fats while working overtime to try and buy lots and lots of guns. Because you're too damn dumb not to.

BHO really, REALLY believes that five buck gas is quite okay. He's said so repeatedly. Check out YouTube and you'll find the video. He thinks that will cause us to feel all warm and fuzzy about "investing" in green energy so we can save the planet, presumably from Al Gore. You know what "investing" means, don't' you? That means taking tax dollars from those that produce and spending them by the bushel to try and jump-start the windmill/solar technology industry that has nearly bankrupted Spain. The Spanish say for every new "green" job created there during the last ten years, they've lost 4 and one-half regular jobs. Interesting. In the meantime, Barry has said you can't drill your way to energy independence, as if the rules of supply and demand economics have somehow been rendered ineffectual where oil and gas are concerned. Yet, he just decided to release somewhere between 30 and 60 million gallons of crude from the National Petroleum Reserve to help bring down prices, no doubt to help his fading reelection prospects. Can you say no clue? Can you say disingenuous? You don't understand all of this do you? That's because you're too damn dumb.

The Sacto boys passed a law last year making it a crime to feed a live hamster or mouse or rat to your pet python. You must now euthanize them so they feel no pain whilst your Boa gobbles them down. BTW, snakes don't want to eat dead critters. They prefer their meals to be kicking and screaming. And then they made it a crime to drive with your Teacup Chihuahua on your lap. All this while (mis)managing to spend $25 Billion each year for the past several they do not have. And now they want you to agree to allow them to extend temporary taxes for another five years to cover their shortfall. Right. And now, the good citizens of the People's Republic of San Francisco have outlawed Happy Meals and the purchase of any pet that flies, walks, crawls or swims. Yep, no dogs, cats, hamsters, snakes, birds, or even FISH! BTW, it's okay to buy a lobster to take home, boil up and eat, just not put it in a fish tank. Cruelty, don't you know. Tell me this all sounds very strange to you and I'll tell you're it's because you're just too damn dumb.

You love pickups and SUVs and really large, heavy cars. Ford has been selling more than 500,000 F150 pickups a year for more than 20 years. That's what you want and you should be able to buy it, right? Unfortunately, wrong! The TelePrompTer-in-Chief and the Boys don't want you to drive these vehicles, especially Fords, because Ford refused to take TARP money. They want you to buy little overpriced hybrid and electric weenie cars. So much so they'll give you some of your neighbor's money as a bribe to get you to buy one (invest?). Does that make sense? If you don't think so it's because you're too damn dumb.

In the final analysis, CPLDWs just want to be left alone to live your life, because you're just too damn dumb to handle the task for yourself. You need to be told what to eat, what to wear, what to drive, where to educate your kids and even whether or not you can own a pet. And don't you dare try to stop them! They get really nasty when confronted with common sense…